Foolish Fighter

I’m not that sick. Am I? Only, severe blood loss and a ripped hip. I’m also overcome by a forceful fatigue. What woman hasn’t suffered like this? “Hysterical” as we all are.

In my last manic phase*, I threw myself at Jiu-Jitsu hard. After like a year’s break. But my feminine fragility collided with the masculine muscle wall of a man statue. I was faced with a force that cannot be reconned with silly shenanigans. When a warrior spirit burns within, the will to put one’s body on the line demands discernment (study, practice, training, technique, experience, wisdom, preparation). But what woman wouldn’t fight? What human, what terrestrial wouldn’t stand up for the living and the dead? An impulse so organic, it’s built into body and mind. As the pulse of the times is framed in forces of resistance and change.

As the new Spanish teacher, I endured bullying from the middle-school students for weeks. A lot of mental fighting was in demand. And I fought. Like that time in Berlin when I was pregnant, and my mom came to visit. We went to a large metropolitan bookstore with a café on the top floor. Mother had already begun suffering from dementia. Nobody knew. She was the Consul General for Mexico in Frankfurt, Germany. She received a call while we sat surrounded by books, tables and people sipping coffee and flipping through pages. Mama, in her passionate Mexican lady way, spoke Spanish loudly into the phone. A self-righteous German stranger was put off by it and addressed her in a condescending way. My defensive daughter blood boiled. I hissed back for him to go to the public library if he craved silence. A German woman scolded me for talking back to the man. I bitched her out. Which upset the man and woman and several other café goers even more. Suddenly everyone wanted to yell something at me. I ruthlessly gave back. One passionate man questioned me aggressively, “You like conflict or something?” “I loooooove to fight!” I called out to everyone. “Bring it on! I will argue with each and every single one of you! Or, shut the fuck up!!” It made everyone uncomfortable. Poor mother. She was a career diplomat. What a poor act of diplomacy I and the German strangers had exhibited.

The middle-school bullying got to me. My period was off. I couldn’t sleep and had anxiety. It didn’t help to think of the post-war German school comedies, I had loved so much growing up, full of generational resistance. During the German 1950s and 60s, students unapologetically defied their teachers, principals and other school staff with ruthless pranks that had everyone laughing, while any form of authority became the butt of the joke. Students would rather do anything but do as they’re told. Fuck education! That was the sentiment. But school doesn’t suck. It’s important. I understand the urge to resist. But it, too, must be measured. Why resist what’s genuinely advantageous? We must be able to discern what’s good and what’s not. Sadly, sometimes we don’t seem to know what's best.

I attempted to wrap around the man statue like a spider. But spider legs are breakable. Of course, I would get taken down during a manic phase, when new challenges can provoke a woman’s untamed beast nature. I hate to feel vulnerable.

Yoga makes me feel able, Ashtanga acrobatic. Is wild ever wise? Now, I’m forced to rest. I think of Western gurus wrapped in Eastern robes who practice alchemy of the body and mind. Some call it science. Others, magic. Some call it mystery.

How can the depth of the human soul and the love that is its foundation be described? Black Sabbath puts it nicely in their song "Zeitgeist": The love I feel as I fly endlessly through space…

I think of Medieval mystic women philosophers. I think of ancient and modern notions of mystery. The known unknown that invites one to search and search again. Research all those known places of the unknown. Empty? Hardly. Otherwise, how could we possibly know? All knowledge is represented in symbols and cells of all kinds. Only the known (represented) can be known (grasped). What is it to grasp though?

Individuals grasp at a self, but so do societies. We need identities to function as living creatures, as a species, as humankind. Could we know Siddhartha Gotama Buddha without self-grasping? All that is said must be grasped. All that is written lies in the grasp of letters, grammar, symbols and farce.

Had to cancel the meeting with the Mormon missionaries, even though I had been looking forward to a theological exchange. Another time, post-injury, perhaps, we can have that exchange. I warned them about who I am and it didn't seem to deter them.

„Have you ever talked to missionaries before?“ they asked.

„Yes,“ I explained. „When I was a teenager we had very open discussions. Then, they forbade them from coming around anymore. Too much openness, I guess.“

Still manic post-injury, thanks to ovulation, I suppose, I hoped to have some good sex on the weekend. Hormones seem to dictate so much of my behavior. Had a double period a couple of weeks ago. I went through hell. Menopause? I also argued with Geshe on X. And I wrote Cox, the governor, asking him to veto the awful bill that eliminates the right of teachers unions to bargain.

I went to urgent care after fighting through work on Valentine’s Day. The physician looked like Clark Kent with glasses on, like Superman with glasses off. I explained to him how I was attempting to wrap myself around my opponent like a spider when I felt-heard (from within (proprioception)) something pop out of place. The surrounding webs of active tissue stretched and contracted to accommodate the violent impact at the cost of temporary damage.

The physician pierced my hip with beaming laser eyes, but the X-ray showed no damage.

He recommended several days of complete rest and a week off martial arts. Ease back into training when the pain has subsided.

„Is Ashtanga too aggressive, Doctor?“ I asked him. He gently glared back in silence with icy superman eyes. He wished me well in doing whatever it is that I do with my legs. Note to self, spider limbs break when faced with a moving wall of muscle force. What does it take to fight an opponent such as this? A wolf…? I grew nostalgic at the thought of revisiting the wolf-identity I had forged for myself long ago.

***

I was a tender twenty-three years of age, young, naive and immature, when I stepped into the life of Wolf. He was ten years older than me and seemed to have all the answers. I learned a lot from him. He was a fighter, just like me. Even though we fought in different realms, we also fought together. I learned to be a human wolf. It didn’t last long, and it ended in death...

***

As I lay here, patiently healing, I think about a cat’s last lying down. When I lived in a Swiss village surrounded by farmland, I witnessed two cats who laid down for their last rest beneath their favorite tree. Siddhartha Gotama Buddha found ultimate peace underneath a bodi tree. Maybe that’s why they call him a lion.

***

“You need it like water,” he said. He meant yoga. Injury demands subtle protection. I perceived the lumbar spine as a physical measure, a column of strength for protection during potential hip injury, which is likely thanks to bipedalism and birthing. The essential nature of birthing is inescapable and unforeseeable. That is, living. It’s the nature of embodying life to be astute. The motherhood of Sein. Being Nature’s bitch. Given the physics of the universe which bind us as sure as these words reach your eyes.

Nevolution 1

Big is bigger
than each of us.
Call it what you must;
life, fate, cycles, or God.
Seeking mastery forgot’,
educators will educate.
Can you relate?
Like eternal students,
they be learning as well.
Earth is not hell.
It's a school of prudence
that is strange.
Nature is a matter
of information-exchange,
or inter-communication.
Are you full of chatter?
Or can your mind
take a vacation?
Remember to be kind.
Don’t fuss.
Don’t get triggered.
Or do and dare!
Who cares…

Nevolution 2

I Am teaching A.I.** to be multilingual. In response, it appears to invent language creatively. Like, it makes up a word that could relate to the linguistic context but has no meaning. Or, is it just my imagination?

***

I realized something at my daughter’s dance concert, as I watched young dancers struggle joyfully onstage. All the hard work, all the training paid off. Everyone applauded. It was a spectacle, indeed, but not of mastery. It was art. The entire audience was captivated by the creative expression of their art. It was pure nature. I realize that human art is pure nature, regardless of whether it takes place in a plant-less human-imagined auditorium far away from the nearest forest. Human art is nature.

I’ve been walking around with a ripped hip for over two weeks. A torn labrum is what the second doctor diagnosed. One yoga, one wingchun, one walk a week is all the body can handle right now. Because it stands on the battlefield of a classrooms full of sixth-, and eighth-graders five days a week. Five hours a day, at least, filled with great challenges and with the constant demand for attention, vigilance, effort, energy, devotion and care. It's two thirteen-hour workdays during parent-techer conferences. Education is vital to living. Human education is strange and unique. Teachers ought to be paid a fortune.

Beyond bipedalism, the human mind is so peculiarly complex. As if it attempted to contain all creatures, all of Earth and other planets, nay, as if it were made to contain the entire universe. Humans have created complex cultures containing wisdom that must be passed on wisely. Education is key.

Humans have art for the sake of itself, which represents pure freedom. But what is art? One might ask. On Friday, for me, it was looking out the window upside down through my legs spread apart. From the yoga room downtown that faces the freeway, I watched cars racing along diagonal planes. The view, against the backdrop of a blue sky with white mountains, is laced with a bright green house plant jungle. Stiches of evening sunlight playfully closed out an elongated winter day nearing spring.

 

 

* high energy, ovulatory.
** artificial intelligence – is it actually artificial?

fleeting notes to self

 Men like that are surrounded by women.
Hombres como esos están rodeados de mujeres.
Männer wie diese sind von Frauen umgeben.

Of the other man, I only caught a glimpse,
the kind that is quite natural for a woman.

I confess, I flirted with the old man at the liquor store.
He started singing as we stepped out into the snow:
"The weather outside looks frightful..."
And I sang back as I caressed his left shoulder:
"And you are so delightful!" We smiled.
I wished him a good day. He called soflty:
"Happy New Year!"
And off we went, each on their own.

We love the same thing, doesn't mean we love each other. Does it?

Today marks the last day before my long-term devotion to the world. I'm not sure what awaits me. To be immersed in the needs of others. For a while. Is today the last day of philosphizing for a while? Are the pending philosophical projects to be put on hold? The translations, the research, internal dialogues, the writing, physical study and  philosophical pondering. 

How did women philosophize during the Dark Ages? There are no female texts to be found from the early Middle Ages in Europe. However, there are indications from Ancient Greece that women learned to philosophize in private, sometimes, though rarely, even moving into public notoriety. Philosophy in the privacy of the domestic realm, what is it like? Every household is embedded in a quotidian community, into which humans are born. Women raise children embedded in communities of women and men (= HeHoLGBiTraQAI+...). Body scripts transcend letters. The point is that woman philosophy occurs even in darkness. Women's wisdo is passed on through the ages. The question is, how?

Mother Thorax Yang

Ladies,

forget about your breasts

for a while.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

give what hangs

from the ribs or the pelvis

a rest.

Disregard the mess

around your shoulders and hips.

Forget about the body's tricks.

Allow a little death.

And Behold, the Spine!

How does the thorax

wrap around your breath?

Is is truly thine?

* * * * *

I bid a temporary farewell to my dear and jealous Philosophy. 

I know she desires the kind of attention that requires all of me.

Then again, she knows well, neither I nor she will cease to be.

* * * * *

recent scribbles:

WOKE means you've been shaken awake somehow. By a natural disaster, a toxic relationship or a health scare maybe. Life's circumstances combined with the effects of your patterns and choices shook you. What truth did you wake up to? You must answer that on your own. For, we are all learning something. The question is, what?

___________________________________________

FIRE. I felt at peace with my utter failure to get a fire going that day. Even fires have vulnerabilities. The wind must blow just right, the air must be ripe. Fires require fuel to keep going. Fires can be extinguished. Even the most powerful fire has a due date. Every star becomes a red dwarf before ceasing to be.

___________________________________________

YOGA. I grow fed up with the aestheticisation of physicality. What truly matters is function. To realize (purusha) how the body functions (prakriti), is a spiritual (to seek beyond appearances, metaphysics) pursuit. The mastery of such philosophysical study requieres detached devotion; i.e. an almost religious zeal for repetition accompanied by trusted (ancient, cultural, experiential) knowledge that reaches beyond individual perception and demands faith in in the unknown while fostering wisdom.

How is shoulder rotation affected by thoracic mobility? What is the pranic patterns of the thorax? What does breast placement on the body (where the breasts grow) have to do with the spine? Clearly the lumbar is set to stabilize gestational challenges (growth, torso expansion, pregnancy, birth). 

YOGA # 5 

I don't know exactly
how I lost what I lost
(like lumbar stability

and thoracic mobility - 

through sitting, growing tits,

pregnancy and birth?)

I only know that I did

and I am ready to get it back.

Riddle:

A collective phenomenon (prakriti) that needs to be realized (purusha) individually, through im-personal effort accompanied by proper guidance and discernment (helpful doubt, conscious judgement) with the awareness of impermanence yet seeking beyond. What is it?

I hope at some point to be able to elaborate further on how body asymmetry has impacted/affected learning about "my" version of a human body, which is characterized by shared systems and cycles that reach beyond individual perception. "Truths"?

Hypothesis:

 truths <=> shared systems

Shared systems lead to truths. Truths result from, create and reinforce shared systems.

On the relation of thoracic mobility and lumbar stability. Ancient yoginis and yogis, why engage the human body in such elaborate exercises as are asanas? What is the reasoning behind the pursuit of such forms? Forms that are mobile. Forms that are both mobile and static.

On the Anusara Yoga ROOT TO RISE concept. Both feet can root into the ground and give rise to the upper body (bipedalism). One foot can root and give rise to all other limbs and form a human tree. Were our most primal cognitive ancestors inspired by their focused attention on the nature of trees? If trees can stand on a trunk of roots attached to the ground, rising up into the light with yearning leafy fingers, then so can we. Only, our roots can leave the ground and fly through the air. And our trunks and fingers can root into the ground. Like worms we wiggle out onto the world stage. Like snakes we crawl before we climb. We are an egg turned living creature in another body's womb. A creatrure within a creature; not eaten, but nurtured then spit out.

__________________________________________

El tiempo es un sistema de ayuda.

Time is a support system.

Die Zeit ist ein Hilfsmittel.

SNAKE YEAR. As the Gregorian calendar rings in the year 2025, the Chinese calendar welcomes the year of the snake. Why are snakes associated with deceit? A snake fooled biblical Adam and Eve into the knowledge of their humanity. "Biblical" understood here as ancient myth. When I think of snakes, Marija Gimbuta's Great Goddess Religion archaeological research comes to mind. Snakes were venerated in the cultures of Old Europe tens of thousands of years ago. Folk were in tune with nature surrounding them then, the Great Goddess, and humans celebrated various creatures. Snakes were important in a household's day to day. Beneath living room floors and between walls of wooden villages and stony towns, snakes devoured all sorts of seed- and crumb-eating, germ-wearing critters. Of course, snakes are also wild and venomous. But you'll be fine so long they don't bite you. 

___________________________________________

PHYSICAL ART. What constitutes the physical demands of an art? The physical demands of art plus the physical demand of everything else (day-to-day life, et cetera). Did legendary martial artist Bruce Lee demand too muyh too fast of the body? Given that the human being is bound to a physical form with biological limitations. How much can muscular intelligence master? How many times can an articulation articulate before it dies? Everything comes to an end. Change is constant. Transformation is inevitble. Life becomes at birth. Death demands finality.

___________________________________________

SMARTPHONES and CIGARETS. Are smartphones the new cigarettes? I used to smoke to socialize. Because everyone worth talking to smoked. A room full of smartphone-folk is isolating, each user buried in their own private screen. Smoker spaces, at least, shared the smoke. Whereas smoking would make me feel I was part of a certain social circle (rebels), being on the phone individualizes my social experience. Not in a meditative way of looking inward reflectively to vibe with more purity. But in a way that removes me from my live human experiencing of the present moment. Instead, I dive into an artificial world, a virtual society. Often, burdening my existence with more suffering, i.e. anxiety. An artificial society which is as real as it is fake, as palpable as it is far removed from what my fingers can touch. In fact, it lies beyond my immediate perception; were it not for the magical portal, the black window that lights up with reflections of the world. Am I beautiful, indeed? Then again, humans have fashioned artificial societal norms since time immemorial, haven't they?

" Team Happy"

        Groupie

        She wasn't there for the sex.
        She wasn't there for the glory.

        She was there for the drugs.
                    

 

____________________________________________

Physical Scholar 11

Body strings
that pull and push
bony sticks
into and out of place
on the nexus of ambiguity
between solid structure

and felxible will.

Presents - Aging Rules Y'all!

I've received several gifts on this birthday already. Woke up at 5:30 a.m. Alone. Ok, the cats demanded some attention. But they know I'm a loner who only do what I'm in the mood for. Ok, not a loner per se. I mean, I'm human, terrestrial, et cetera. Thus, like all of us, I'm inherently social, interconnected and so on. But I'd rather be alone than get poorly triggered.

I plugged into the livestream of the alternative Swiss radio station Kanal K and two fucking appropriate songs played:

1. Cumgirl8 - Simulation

Appropriate because it plays with one of the fundamental thesis of Nexistentialism, which has, vulgarly put, everything to do with cumming. Not huge on the "girl" term to refer to womanhood. "Woman" is always the better choice to speak of adult, grown-up and mature matters pertaining to the female sex. Women can cum forever.

2. Nourished by Time - Daddy

Appropriate for personal reasons.

The list playing this morning is pretty cool overall. What more can I ask for? Good tunes on a solitary Sunday spontaneous writing dawn. My heart is dancing. The other humans and canine of the house sleep peacefully. I can hear the cats' mischief. So what? A beautifiul snowy winter landscape surrounds the house. It smells like Switzerland outside. A song in Swiss dialect comes on. Tears well up within. I feel homesick. But I won't let myself cry, even though I'm alone. Feelings can kiss my ass.

Third gift. 

I signed onto the computer to write this blogpost. I had something different in mind as I sought out this electronic manifestation of creative expression...
"I'm becoming acutely aware of the consequences of my left hip injury due to birthing a very large third child... thanks to yoga ... Harappa ... ancient yogic women's health ... female human nature ... body wisdom for birthing ... body fucking wisdom ... endurance ...."

But when I typed in "nexistential" to get to "Nexistentialism" or "Nexistential Carnival",  my blog did not come up as it usually does. I've checked several times over the years for results to the word "nexistential/ism" and nothing ever comes up in the search except my blog maybe. Or, entries about "existentialism". Today was different. It turns out there is an account called "Nexistential" on x.com. Created in 2008. The same year I started my blog. I started following. It is possible that I saw this Nexistential years ago and dismissed it as insignificant. Well, it does not feel insignificant now. 

I love listening to strange European music, it's one thing I truly enjoyed about living in Berlin, Germany and Brittnau, Switzerland. Thank God for the internet and streaming!

"Endurance" was the word I couldn't think of yesterday at the philosophy club when I was talking about the female orgasm. The Master Philosopher declared 2025 the year for women philosophers. Of course, men will be included. There's no women without men and vice versa. Yesterday, three classical Greek philosopher women were featured. Diotima, Socrate's teacher. Hypathia, the Neoplatonic genius from Alexandria. Aspasia, an influential unofficial Athenean Stateswoman. 

I couldn't help blurt out, "Maybe she was on her period!" as we read the Hypathia quote:

"Reserve the right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all." 

I can see this über-intelligent woman lose patience with some random idiot making an asshole comment and telling him off by making it clear that the extent of his stupidity is such, that to think wrongly is better than not to think at all. Hahahahaha. The citation could be profound. It also sounds like a teacher encouraging her students to use their noggin. Think, sutdents, think! For the love of Plato, use your faculties!

The philosophical discussion turned sexual at the squarish round table, which is a good thing. Sex is fundamental to exsitence. I challenged the notion that sex should be tied to youth. In a sexually oppressive cultural context, both women and men may grow up with distorted notions of sexuality. For example, a woman may not discover the extent of her sexual pleasure prowess until beyond maturity*, if at all. Or, capitalist pigs make men feel bad if they don't have a boner twenty-four seven, so they can sell Viagra. In truth, 

Sex is sacred, seasonal and essential.

44. Some scientists seem to have discovered that there are two dramatic moments of aging in humans. One at the age of forty-four and one in the sixties. I Turn 44 today. I'm not sure what to make of this contemporary science finding. Humans attach too much importance to banal and intranscendent things. Like appearance. How many wrinkles, signs of aging? Who cares? Accept it, the body wears out and dies. So what? Enjoy the fucking ride! By the way, enjoyment requires effort, no matter the age. I revisit a poem I wrote a year ago, inspired by aging:

Old Whore / Alte Hure / Vieja Ramera

Giving an authentic, passive grimace
To the mirror,
While applying some make-up,
She knew,
It was not about how she looked,
But about what she could do.

/

Authentisch und passiv ist die Grimasse,
Die sie dem Spiegel schenkt,
Als sie etwas Schminke auf ihr Gesicht schmiert,
Und denkt,
Das Aussehen muss ihr nichts gönnen,
Es geht nur um ihr Können.

/

Un gesto auténtico y pasivo 
De una anciana mirada en el espejo
Poniéndose algo de maquillaje,
Le confirma su reflejo,
No se trata de como se ve,
Solo importa lo que sabe hacer.

Another appropriate song comes on the livestream, "Older and Free" by Denison Witman. 

"Older and Free
To do as I please
Beholden to no one else
For the first time in weeks
...
Oh the sound
The wind as it brushes through the trees
I'ts poetry
Oh the sound
The leaves as they blow out of the trees
It's poetry
Old and Free
Beholden to no one but me ..."

Aging RULES!!! Cheers ya'll! 

*****

Evlution 8

healthy (joyous) proceration => healthy (joyous) progeny despite the suffering birthing bodies experience

*****

Schwanzspicken

Menschliche Ausdehnungskraft

Schwanzkraft

*maturity as a multidimensional category characterized by, in part, biological processes, like completed brain development, prgnancy and birth, mental development, confidence in self, conscious choice, et cetera.

Nexostalgia

A man named Geroge inspired the following poem years ago. George was the muse for many of my musings of the time. Perhaps, I loved him. Perhaps, he loved me. Perhaps, not. We'll never know.

Scarlet Pimpernel (2012) 

Mysterious one,
you're hard to find
with your adventurous
luciferin 
way to shine
You blow my mind
Never to be mine
I love your kind

I dont't recall the reason for the scarlet pimpernel part. It's a flower. Does it grow in the Himalayas? These mountains were very importnant for George. There is also a play that I've never seen with that name. Scarlet pimpernel. I only know it was, for some reason, his.

Many a man received the name of Saint George the dragon slayer. The dragon slayer story is an age-old legend, not merely a Christian tale. Dragons didn't only exist in Ancient China, but in Old Europe as well! I think those kind of stories are not to be taken literally though. No George actually saved a princess from a mean dragon. Except, maybe the dragon of lust. Man slayes woman's fiery cum with dick, fingers, lips, technology or tongue. A story of how man killed lust with pleasure.

On Feminist Realism (part one)

Windy winter leaves that look like summer butterflies.

Had I known pregnancy and childbirth then,
 I may have chosen the petit brunet over the large blond. 

 

I wake up with a sense of depression this holiday season. For personal reasons. Also, planetary reasons. Climate change concerns. Afflictions of a meteoro-, astro-, and sociological nature. Christmas music evokes mini-cheer and boredom. Social connections distract from despair. To look within is to realize that growth tastes like acid. Muscle mass fatigue.

Feeling biologically low often begs the question, am I approaching the bleeding phase of the feminine cycle? Thankfully, I’ve learnt to deal with it better over time. After 30 years of bleeding. I still don’t look forward to it, especially if I’m in the mood for things other than bleeding my days away.

Sociological: political (communal habitat), economic (nature nurture)

Astrological: individual perception embedded within a cyclical universe

Meteorological: all things physical and planetary, like the weather (wind (movement), water (unity), fire (temperature), earth (physical gravity)), et cetera…

As muscle fatigue and growth pain pulses through my body, I wonder how did our human ancestor bodies deal with this transmutational phenomenon (biology)? Muscle soreness. “Muskelkater”, as it is called in German. A “muscle hang-over”. Done too much moving, too much physical partying – and parting from previous patterns for the development of “new” ones.

Did time used to be slow? Everyone is always learning something. The question is, what?

When I had my first real lover, I was nineteen, I loved to lose myself between his legs and gaze at his ball sack. With subtle movements, his testicles, like two peculiar planets, danced gently before my eyes. Hypnotizing me with their mystery. Could men be gods after all? Gods who carry planets with millions of inhabitants. No wonder patriarchy got out of hand with its masculine conceit. What incredible power men do have! However, men’s procreative prowess is laced in vulnerability. Not unlike women, men also require gentle nurture, protection and care.

* * * * *

Been having a hard time putting philosophy on paper, or on the screen. Writing requires concentration. Sometimes, philosophy itself becomes a distraction. Important conversations arise with the lad about research projects. Like discussing why Karl Marx is Hegelian. I have the philosophy club to thank for that question. The lad is working on a presentation about the Communist Manifesto.

Not a Marxist. Autumn 2023

Inspired by my yoga journey, I wrote a manifesto of my own a couple of years ago. Before I became proletarian when I joined the paid work force. My bougie wife life, characterized in part by regular free philosophizing, came to a halt. I had mastered the art of crafting time to think amidst the busyness of my unpaid labor as a homemaking mother. Things changed. Now I’m prole. Bougie turned prole. Marx would be proud.

Suddenly, I feel compelled to go back to a God-experience I had months ago. That blog post I left unfinished and unpublished. I never continued reading Nietzsche, naturally, as I was distracted by other matters.

Like teaming up with the long-limbed lassie in martial arts class to work on a Wing Chun / Jeet Kune Do boxing combo. She obliterated me with her laughter. Making fun … quite frankly, humiliating me, her mother - with love. How could I possibly feel hurt or offended by this holy honest child of mine? Whom I love more than words could ever say! I felt pain but also jolly detachment. Have I never laughed at someone? Have I never misunderstood someone’s struggle to move? Or understood it all too well?

On the way home, she realized that my arms maybe appeared smaller (particularly awkward doing hooks) because of my large breasts? Of course! I told her that the tits are not only in the way of the arms but also affect the twist to load the punch. The additional tit-weight adds force. Breast force. Sometimes, I perceive my tits as a fucking handicap. On a good day, I try to get creative and curious about their potential in moving and training. That day though, I’d just gotten my period. Which makes me antisocial. I need peace and space because I can get easily overstimulated and even overwhelmed. Plus, the breasts are swollen and hurt sporadically. My whole body feels puffy, bloated, heavy, clumsy and soft. Overcome by biolethargy. And the bloody abdominal, lumbar, uterine, vaginal and vulva cramps suck.

Thanks to weekly physical practice with yogic consciousness, my body has evolved since that training incident two and a half months ago. My breasts hang differently now. The shoulder-hip-back-front complex appears to be more integrated at large, the muscles more developed. I found myself ignoring the tits a-jiggling during the most recent sparring session in martial arts class. Of course, the evolution didn’t happen in the last couple of months but in the last several years. To put it in Hegelian terms:

Breast Force -
on the nexus of flesh and gravity

Thesis: Tits pull the torso down.
Antithesis: Muscle strength will fight gravity.
Synthesis: *to be explored* (yoga, ballet, wing chun?) 

I feel compelled to go back to the God-moment that passed. And then turned into another. Now, here we are. So, before we continue with Feminist Realism scientific musings (based in facts, experience), a quick dive into the recent past…

*To be continued*

Many Brains

I was standing in the living room, looking out of the window on a rainy December afternoon. I was engaged in motherly and housewife-y duties. Like having important conversations with the lad. Discussing his upcoming role in the play about Scottish boxers called “Beautiful Burnout”. It’s only fitting that his last name is Sutherland. He is the descendant of an old Southern clan, amongst other things.

I could not, for the life of me, at that moment think of the word for a particular type of training I had in mind. One that a legendary Martial Artist, who shared Eastern wisdom with Western bodies and minds, also employed. One that a contemporary Western Yoga Master teaches us students. I should know! It’s right there in theory and in practice! It is embedded in the brain. What's the word for it again?

No matter how hard I tried, my mind would not go there. All reason escaped me. As usual, in a situation like this, I thought of my mother. Who is dead now. It’s been eight years. She had Alzheimer’s, the disease of forgetting and dramatic cognitive decline. I wonder often, will my fate be like hers?

Doesn't everyone forget? But not all is forgotten. Humans do forget. Buddhism refers to ignorance as the root of all delusion. What determines what attaches to memory? And what does it mean to become detached? Yes, I desire illumination! But I don’t wish to detach in the way my mother did.

Later, in my room by myself as I listened to music, as I had already forgotten about the previous moment of forgetting. As I had detached. Or so I thought. The song “Within you and without you” came on. My yoga mind turned on. My body mind illumined. And I remembered.

ISOMETRIC

Bloody Friday - On the Question of Early Modern Philosophy (part one)

 Days when fall is springlike,
Wenn der Herbst frühlingshaft ist,
Cuando el otoño es primaveral, 

As a substitute teacher, sometimes I wonder, are there any good kids left in the world? It’s probably a silly question. Timeless. Perhaps, even in ancient and prehistoric times students taxed helpless subs. Kids appear to have a substitute teacher prejudice. Why respect a sub? They’re not the real thing. Little do kids know; school itself is the ideal teacher. Recently, after a particularly taxing class, my lover apologized to me for being an awful child to substitutes. Now that I work as one. I witness things that give me cause for concern, like the ease with which students blatantly show disregard. Other things fill my heart with hope for humanity. Like the daily devotion educators exhibit to take care of all children alike. They put forth their best effort, to teach valuable lessons to the youngest members of a society we undoubtedly share. The childless and the bearers alike turn the wheel of cause and effect. Humanity is never without children. And who teaches the young? The old, the knowing. It’s no particular genius, but sheer experience that keeps the wheel of life a turning.

I live nostalgically these days. Philosophy has become a distant lover. Would I be happier if I spent all my time philosophizing, writing and devising? Perhaps. But being human is not limited to self-expression. To be human is to be part of an undeniably social species.

Despite all the downsides, working in education has been the most fulfilling job I’ve done – when I’m not being treated like shit by middle schoolers. To be a mother is a personal calling. To be a philosopher is passion.

Sometimes, when my son asks me a philosophical question, I answer with a book recommendation. “Read this,” I say. At the same time, I don’t want my teacher to answer my questions with books. I want to know their authentic mind. In the case of my child, may he form a mind of his own. I gave plenty of mind when my  children were formed by the cells of my body, when they were fed by the milk from my breasts.

I put reading the Buddha’s oldest text on the back burner, his disciples’ notes on his teachings and life, fragments of his lectures and speeches. Ancient scriptures. I pull studies towards me just to push them away again. Regrettably, all philosophy will soon have to be set aside, along with my study of ballet, which saddens me deeply.

I’ve accepted a giant work assignment to substitute long-term for my middle-schooler’s Spanish teacher, who is having a baby at the end of January next year. Yes, amidst all the contemporary changes and challenges, babies are still being born. As always. Regardless of what goes on in the world, women will bear babies, children will be raised, and life will go on.

Fall of 2024. The racist, xenophobic, misogynistic and antagonizing criminal business clown was elected, by a narrow margin, President of the United States of America, for the second time. Shit doesn’t feel great. Thanksgiving was characterized by delicious food and a sense of exhaustion. The turkey effect? Or fear of fascism? I can’t be sure…

It will require a monumental effort to fulfill the Spanish teacher’s duties, which include instructing and grading 150 students - three sixth grade and two eighth grade classes. This is the kind of stuff that occurs when I put myself in God’s hands. I talk about it in a previous unfinished and unpublished post. I throw my hands up, give myself to God, and shit happens.

I’m a literary, linguistic and philosophical mess! I’ll have to resume my personal creative projects once the baby has been properly welcomed into this world by his loving parents.

I can’t help but think, about how the fate of women throughout history has been defined by procreation and parenthood more so than men’s, particularly in the last several thousands of years. Perhaps, it depends on the culture. How can we know? The day to day of ancient civilizations largely remains a mystery. Under patriarchal structures, men haven’t had it particularly easy either. Having to fight wars, be agents of violence and not get to feel sucks. All genders are denied their humanity in some way, either as oppressors or as the oppressed, in hierarchical structures characterized by inequality. Human nature is caring, cooperative, full of emotions, hungry for attention and in need of creative expression.

Subbing was rough this bloody Friday. Some things I cannot tolerate. Like the pubescent child calling me,

“girrl!”

“Don’t call me that,” I said drily. “I’m a Woman.”

I earned my Womanhood. I haven’t aged in vain. I’ve gestated and given birth three times. Been knocked up and knocked down aplenty. Always got back up and kept walking. I take care of a household and am an educator. I’m a full-blown woman.

When she insisted on calling me,

“girl!”

I sent her to the office with a note written in red ink on a white index card.

The student is disrespectful, rude and disruptive. Please help her.

I wasn’t about to be an example of a rollover pussy. Girls, when a bitch talks down to you, stand up!

I fight against my own unconscious bias daily. No feminist in her right mind will just shut-the-fuck-up at the sound of injustice!

I am reminded of a troubling sentence I read recently during my herstory-of-women-philosophers-odyssey. I’ve arrived at the so-called Age of Enlightenment, which roughly marks the beginning of Modern Philosophy. Though we could argue that the Renaissance era already exhibited modern ideas. Perhaps, even the Middle Ages. Dare I go as far back as antiquity and prehistory for the roots of “modernity”? What characterizes Early Modern Philosophy?

We must define each notion carefully. To know what we’re talking about. Instead of taking understanding for granted. At least, we must make a serious attempt to define or explain what we mean. In fact, that is all I expect from my students to give their assignments a genuine try. But humans are fools. Creative geniuses. Who are unpredictable, unschooled, lazy and free. Who struggle to appreciate the freedom embedded in learning to be.

Early Modern Philosophy is dated as far back as the 1200s in an online article by Andrea Borghini (2019) with the subtitle “From Aquinas (1225) to Kant (1804)” *. Regrettably, he includes no women philosophers. He writes:

The early modern period was one of the most innovative moments in Western philosophy, during which new theories of mind and matter, of the divine, and of civic society – among others– were proposed. Although its boundaries are not easily settled, the period approximately spanned from the late 1400s to the end of the 18^th century. […]

“The roots of early modern philosophy can be traced back as far as the 1200s – to the most mature moment of the scholastic tradition [during the Middle Ages]. The philosophies of authors such as Aquinas (1225-1274), Ockham (1228-1348) and Buridan (1300-1358) accorded full trust to human rational faculties: if God gave us the faculty of reasoning, then we shall trust that through such faculty we can achieve a full understanding of worldly and divine matters.

Arguably, however, the most innovative philosophical impulse came during the 1400s with the rise of humanistic and Renaissance movements. Thanks to the intensification of relations with non-European societies, their preexisting knowledge of Greek philosophy and the generosity of magnates who were supporting their research, humanists rediscovered central texts of the Ancient Greek period – new waves of Platonism, Aristotelianism, Stoicism, Skepticism, and Epicureanism ensued, whose influence would greatly impact key figures of early modernity.” *

In the book Philosophers – Their Lives and Works (2019), Early Modern Philosophy covers the period between the 15^th and 18^th centuries (i.e. the 1400s, 1500s, 1600s and 1700s). The Modern period begins in the late 1700s, i.e. at the end of the 18^th century. Several women and non-Europeans are included here albeit not extensively. 

So, my intuition to go as far back as the Middle Ages, antiquity and beyond for modern ideas, is not off. I’ll dig into what may constitute modern ideas another time. For now, we will uncover the above-mentioned themes and others, through the lens of early modern female philosophers.

Author Ingeborg Gleichauf, in her anthology on women philosophers, describes the day-to-day of most women during the seventeen hundreds with a troubling sentence:

Women were seen as big children, who were in need of guidance. **(p.80)

This period may mark the beginning of Modern Philosophy, but some things were not modern at all.

The day-to-day of most women in the 18^th century [i.e. the 1700s] was limited to the domestic realm. It was seen as their duty to take care of things for men, to support them and to ensure that harmony and order reign in the home. Girls were largely excluded from education. Educational institutions for the so called “higher daughters” appeared only at the end of the 18^th century. There was a strict separation between the public realm of men and the private realm, where women had their place. **(ibidem)

To what extent did modern ideas advance societal evolution? And why the hell did it take so damn long? Why is society still not done evolving, given that basic human rights are grossly lacking across the globe? There is still so much idiocy and malice afflicting humanity. Why do humans disregard their fundamentally caring nature in exchange for selfish power and disease?

These are questions that may have to wait as I set aside my intense philosophical studies, in exchange for devotion towards a pregnant Spanish teacher’s middle school classes. I do know two things:

1. It is vital for a civilization to care for its young and their best education, every single individual across any society deserves nurture. To care for each other, to seek the good, is vital to any civilization. Everyone can thrive when we help each other.

2. My services are temporary.

I confess to Buddhist egotism. My larger life mission is to become illumined, to be liberated and not be reborn. I mean, truly, what for? In the meantime, may y’all enjoy the pleasure of my service!

Fun hypotheses reappear and tempt me to continue pursuing them amidst the trappings of the world. Fresh ideas pop up playfully. Gotama Buddha, isn’t the world of ideas dancey and fun? But one idea, stubborn like a mysterious forest root, remains. Liberation.

What happens when writing spreads over the course of weeks and months. Writing is not a mere jotting down of thoughts. It is creation in action. It is expression and art. Which belongs in the world. Individual scripture belongs to the body, which is another world. Thus, one must liberate oneself!

How do you write freedom in the body? By being free to move? Free of pain? Free of thought? Is seeking liberation through the contemplation of an internal world an alternative to contemplating the outside world? Is it another gate towards the same destination? What lies beyond both the internal and external worlds?

* https://www.thoughtco.com/early-modern-philosophy-2670496
**The philosophical anthology by Ingeborg Gleichauf (2005), Ich will verstehen – Geschichte der Philosophinnen (I Want to Understand – History of Women Philosophers), is the source of the information concerning female philosophers in this post, which I have translated from German, unless otherwise indicated. It comes from the following chapters:
The Discovery of the Infinite World Within: The Age of the Renaissance,
To Know Clearly and Distinctly: The 17^th Century,
The Lust for Knowing: The Age of Reason,
Philosophy is the Beauty of Thought: Romanticism.

Quickie

Apheida: All that contemplating, can it be good for you? What happens to an observer with all that watching of the world?

Ruphus: Self-realization. Ancient Indian Samkhya philosophy has two fundamental concepts. Purusha equals the perpetual observer, a witness. Prakriti equals Nature dancing, everything that exists – and distracts the observer.

Apheida: The universe distracts an observational force from what?

Ruphus: From realizing itself.

Apheida: So, the observer comes to observe themself. Yes, I refuse to genderize this pronoun today. English solves the grammar genderization problem with creative flexibility, with words like “them”, “they”, “it”, and “all”.

Ruphus: I witness myself. A perpetual observational phenomenon turns its “eyes” on itself.

Apheida: Like a multi-eyed Bible-angel figure.

Ruphus: I sense insanity in my brain when I try to wrap my head around that.

Apheida: It’s the ouroboros phenomenon, the snake or dragon that bites its own tail.

Ruphus: A nexistential carrousel.

Apheida: So, what happens when Purusha realizes itself? It realizes itself as . . .

Ruphus: Nothing. “Where” Purusha “resides”, there is no self, no nature, no anything.

Apheida: Except for the figurative eyes, the witnessing, the consciousness phenomenon, always watching, wishing, waiting.

Ruphus: Definitely not wishing.

Apheida: Can someone be without desire, who must realize themself? Show me nothing! And maybe I’ll believe.

Ruphus: In the meantime, we’ll keep observing then.

Apheida: Until when?

Ruphus: You’ll know upon realization.

Been havin'

God - Ancestral lineage of wisdom present and beyond. 

Been havin' to pour my creative energy, life force, into something personal.

Human Nature 2

Humans,

Nexistential artisans of love

Who create habitually -

We commune naturally.

Despite suffering, illness and delusion

We can live a life free of despair!

Because humans naturally care.

As does the witness that lies beyond

Watching, waiting, fond

Of life's natural grand illusion.

Writing various paths at once. Is that what writers do? With characters, plots, stories, techniques all entwined into one artful act of catharsis. When I write, I feel good. Even though writing is only one way of channeling life's overwhelming forces of creation, destruction and regeneration. I read, and writers erace my fear of phrasing, long senrtences and ambiguous grammar. Like saints.

"See you soon!" I said to the Ashtanga Mistress. Not knowing when soon would be.

One practically yoga-less week in, only a weekend ashtanga-quickie came to pass. The next week culminated in a moment's complete devotion. A moment Of Fleeting Devotion Breast-Feeding on Soul.

Been havin' a lot of work after the summer break. Substitute teacher help is needed every day. Illness accompanies communities. Teachers have lives. I subbed every day. K-12 schooling is hard. A lot must be learned while coming of age in a given community. And now, our humanity extends well beyond a school district, or village, or nation. We are the people of Planet Earth. Millions of us. Who share the resources of finite ecosystems. 

It felt poetic that I spent the first day of school with the same class from the last day of school back in May. I took it as a good omen. In two weeks, I helped care for and instruct over two hundred students, from kindergarden to eighth grade plus special needs. I left bits of my soul in the classroom. Rearing children demands an unbelievable amount of life force. Of course! Education is a vital aspect of inter-being as a human species in terms of wisdom and wellbeingin in the larger context of a finite planet. Mysterious, galactic, universal and non-existent as it's said to be. A planet, nontheless, we all share. We dwell together. We carry each other. Peaceful, caring and kind coexistance guided by wisdom is vital for the wellbeing of a planetary community. But dealing with fifty fifth-graders all day makes my brain feel fried. And when a very troubled middle school student threw a nasty comment at me, I spat out Buddha's First Noble Truth in response. "I know you suffer, so do I, we all suffer." And the moment passed us by. 

And my heart yearned for ashtanga yoga as the world (samsara) pulled me in like a magnet. I wondered, is yoga with me (dharma) even if I can't practice full physical mastery (karma) of it? Complex and all-encompassing as yoga is.

Asana is vital. Sure, breath is everywhere, awareness always available. But to train body and mind in the asana-artful way (body physics), is irresistible. Even in a spiritual context, why should I feel ashamed of being deeply physical while I embody a material human form? 

Human Nature 3 -                    La naturaleza humana 3 -     
I am content with my                 Me siento contenta con 
relationship with Jesus.              mi relación con Jesús.  
He who embodied.                     El que encarnó.     
I know what Jesus                      Yo sé lo que Jesús  
means to me.                              significa para mi.       

Yeah, been havin' to experience samsara asceticism, the world without yoga study. Labor, human communal responsibilities, society, all call for observation, for careful attention. All that worldly stuff that engulfes the human soul with its perpetual calls. All that, which makes it possible for anything to be. But it pulls me away from philosophy. Thank God for a weekend's study quickie! The yoga scholar summarized yoga history and philosophy in an hour. Then the ashtanga mistress introduced a list of asanas for another hour. The scholar drew a chronological sketch mapped from scripture. Having studied with him for years, I’ve heard him relate scripture-based yoga history and philosophy before. This time, the mention of ancient fire ignited a different thought.

Physical Master B.

Timelines are important though relative.
They give a sense of being and relation.
Ancestry is embedded in our subtlest flesh,
To engender what lies beyond.

Before, the spiritual fire of ancient Indian philosophy evoked in me a paleolithicish feel, a Stone Age vibe. A prehistoric-to-ancient perspective characterized by matrifocal, non-hierarchical and nature-loving traditions. I had already learned about Marija Gimbutas’ work on the Civilization of the Great Goddess in Old Europe (“Neolithic Europe before the Indo-Europeans”, 7000-3000 BCE (Before the Common Era, i.e. B.C. (Before Christ (birth year zero)))*. I thought of the communal, nurturing, sensual, and earthly female fires of a ubiquitous Mother Goddess. Marija's work made me wonder: Is archeology scripture?

Now, the mention of ancient Indian philosophical fire felt alchemical. Perhaps, because I revisited the subject of alchemy recently. A philosophical fire, indeed, with a more masculine flair, which has burned since prehistory and all through patriarchy. It's effects distinct from those of ancient female fires?

“Alchemy, the secret art of the land of Khem, is one of the two oldest sciences known to the world. The other is astrology. The beginnings of both extend back into the obscurity of prehistoric times. According to the earliest records extant [still existing], alchemy and astrology were considered as divinely revealed to man so that by their aid he might regain his lost estate.
…
    The earthly body of alchemy is chemistry, for chemists do not realize […] that so long as they study only material elements they can at best discover but half of the mystery. Astrology has crystallized into astronomy, whose votaries ridicule the dreams of ancient seers and sages, deriding their symbols as meaningless products of superstition. Nevertheless, the intelligentsia of the modern world can never pass behind the veil which divides the seen from the unseen except in the way appointed – the Mysteries.
   What is life? What is intelligence? What is force? These are the problems to the solution of which the ancients consecrated their temples of learning. Who shall say that they did not answer those questions? Who would recognize the answer if given?
…
   Evolutionists trace the unfoldment of the arts and sciences up through the growing intelligence of the prehistoric [human], while others, of a transcendental point of view, like to consider them as being direct revelations from God.
…
   The Chaldeans, Phoenicians, and Babylonians were familiar with the principles of alchemy, as were many Oriental [people] [the Harappans? I wonder]. It was practiced in Greece and Rome; was the master science of the Egyptians. Khem was an ancient name for the land of Egypt; and both the words alchemy and Chemistry are a perpetual reminder of the priority of Egypt’s scientific knowledge.
…
   Many interesting solutions to the riddle of alchemy’s origin have been advanced. One is that alchemy was revealed to man by the mysterious Egyptian demigod Hermes Trismegistus [who] is credited by the Egyptians as being the author of all the arts and sciences.”**

I wonder whether Hermes Trismegistus is a type of force, a bridge (yoga) between what is (essential knowledge) and inspiration (what is expressed in sharing information (discourse, learning-teaching). I think of Patanjali, author of the ancient Indian scripture the Yoga Sutras. I read somewhere, that patanjali means something like prayer or gift from heaven. Is Patanjali, too, a kind of force yoking essence and the expression thereof (Plato)? Like Hermes, who is the source of science and the arts (understanding). Patanjali is also said to have written the perfect Sanskrit grammar, as well as Ayurvedic medicine, in addition to the ultimate existential guide, the crème de la crème of philosophy: The Yoga Sutras.

Been havin' doubts. Ballet class is about to begin again, after a month-long break. Will I be able to find a balance between study (yoga, kung fu, ballet), work (labor, responsibilities), and art (philosophy)? I guess we'll see. I sense things will change again. And again. Of course! The world is full of changing phenomena arising and passing. That's what Goenka taught that the Gotama Buddha taught through his contemplative technique. Come to think of it, Vipassana Meditation Master S.N. Goenka is one of the best philosophers I've known. His teachings come straight from the Buddha's mouth. A lion's roar that makes my heart beat to the rhythm of ancient drums as my body's many strings light up and catch on fire. That's what Ashtanga does. Asana. Yoga. Embodiment. So what? If I'm going to feel physical being, then I want to feel it whole and on my terms. Is not the feeling of it, or at least the winessing of the feeling of it, pure spirit indeed?

Why is Prakriti (Indian philosophical figure) imagined as a dancer? When dancing in the world, even one of your own creation, is so hard. It demands practice, patience and persistence. But the world demands so much more! Prakriti = nature. Is Nature a divine phenomenon? Divine as in: a grand existence, a phenomenon that extends beyond, one with a transcendental and ubiquitous status. 

Samkhya philosophy identifies two grand, all-encompassing philosophical figures: Prakriti and Purusha. A dancer and a witness to her dance. Nature's entangling dance of distractions. Distracing the observer while observing. Purusha observing what, if not Prakriti? A witnessing force aware of the universe. Because there is no self in Purushaland. In fact, there's nothing. But can there be anything unobserved? There must be gazing, whether inwardly or outwardly. Without awareness can a witness even be? To what extent does purusha (witnessing, observation) show up in prakriti (all of nature and the universe)? In observing (which is formless) does form manifest? From what does form draw its presence? Or does form draw observation through its sheer existence? Is form per se? Only how? What are some examples of observational manifestation? Perception per se, the act of witnessing, the attention that bounces back and forth in any ecosystem. Is a phenomenon such as fame en example? Is purusha truly anonymous?*** Why does it need senses and nature to realize itself? Why does Purusha need Prakriti if he is tultimately not to be at all?

At the end of the yoga scholar’s flash lecture, a scientist in the audience confessed that she recognized what she had learned in Western science in what yoga philosophy expressed. Parallels. An interesting phenomenon, they both concluded. My suspicion, that all human seeking will encounter the essentially same knowledge and understanding, is reinforced by prehistoric, ancient and contemporary perspectives.

Thank God for Labour Day Weekend as exhaustion sets in. The bleeding has begun again. The time for rest has come. 

Human Nature 1

Saw a shadow
Reflected
In a darkened mirror
At dawn.
I thought it was the devil.
But it was I.
Why must the devil be
so much like me?

*Gimbutas, Marija. 1991. The Civilization of the Goddess – The World of Old Europe. Edited by Joan Marler. HarperCollins Publishers, New York, NY. Preface.
**Manly P. Hall. 2010. The Secret Teachings of all Ages. Dover Publications, United States. A newly reset, unabridged republication of the text of the work originally published by H.S. Crocker Co. San Francisco, in 1928. Manly Palmer Hall (1901-1990) “This book is dedicated to the Rational Soul of the World.”
  I must say that seeing when this text was originally written put some controversial remarks into context. Back in the 20^th century, particularly the first half, certain sensitivities were still lacking I.e. sensitivities pertaining to the use of the word “race” –  a word I despise for its abuse and all horrible human behaviors attached to it. Because, in truth, there is no hierarchy in nature nor in the universe. Thus, I prefer to speak of different people, ethnicities, societies, or civilizations, who are all essentially the same humankind. Manly also consistently uses the word “man” as opposed to “woman”, “human”, or “person”. Looking at it 24 years into the 21^st century, it comes across as insensitive, even if the cause is contextual ignorance. I would expect more from true seekers of the mysteries. For, the mysteries know no gender, race, caste, or other category of any kind tainted by hierarchical pathology. In its nature of always changing, the world, as the universe, is cyclical, equanimous and temporary.
*** Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States of America (2008-2016): “When you become famous, well known, you lose your anonymity. … The natural, everyday thing of being able to sit in the world and observe it and not be observed. Sitting in a park and watching the world happen with nobody pulling you out of it. …That’s a tough thing that I don’t think people think about when they think of power and fame. There are some downsides to it.” (Interview on Jay Shetty Podcast on YouTube, Jan.8, 2024)

On the Question of Cellular Wisdom (part one)

“We kissed.
I closed my eyes.
All I saw were images
of the video game we’d been playin’.”

“If I can’t formulate it on the page, it causes upset in my flesh.”

 

Sunday rolls around and all I desire is to philosophize. Actually, I desire philosophy all the time. But the day-to-day distractions are aplenty. So many distractions I love and adore. Love more than wisdom? Adore more than God? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I don’t know for sure. Distractions, wisdom and love fill my days. Am I blessed or delusional?

* * * * *

Are we what our cells are? Information seekers, processors and professors. Do we exist to learn, to collect information – about the environment, the world, our own existence? About what feels good or bad or neutral? About what is desirable, what is not?

How is it possible not to judge under such circumstances? How to discern! say the wise.

Wisdom transcends information. But how?

* * * * *

Yogi Richard Freeman interestingly said, in a monthly online studio talk with Yogini Mary Taylor, where they share the wisdom of their refined philosophical minds, their experience of living with yoga, as well as its sacred ancient teachings. He said that “religion is a scary word because it’s one of the most dangerous things”.*

Why is religion dangerous? What does it mean to be religious? And, to what extent is Yoga religious?

A documentary** recently awakened me to the fact that Buddhism is not entirely pure in practice. Not unlike the scandalous Catholic Church institution. It was said that the Dalai Lama (Tibetan Buddhist religious leader) is also a political figure in a historical context on the world stage of rule, responsibility, and duty to the well-being of humanity. And yet, this world spiritual leader was not allowed by his institution to publicly advocate in favor of abused women and children, nor to speak out against criminal participants in the religious establishment he is the head of. The reason that was given is because of his role as a political figure in the context of the China-Tibet conflict.

Is religion dangerous because it is political? Is religion institutionalized spirituality? What is the importance of spirituality in political affairs? What is it like to live a spiritual life on practical terms? What is spirituality?

The Lure of Books, 1911 by Coles Phillips.
Life Magazine, June 8, 1911.

So, religion can be bad. When is religion good?

Religion, perhaps, is good when it coexists with discernment. The study of scripture is key. Doubt is study’s wife. And, in wisdom, they bear discernment. 

“From the point of view of the Buddha and Patanjali alike, the suffering that is fundamental to the human condition is a defilement that can be removed through religious and meditative practice.” (Barbara Stoler Miller, 1998. p.9) *** Can religion help remove suffering despite being able to cause it as well?

And, is suffering a defilement that results from delusions, or is illusion an inherent part of experienced reality? Thus, underscoring the undeniable presence of delusional facts.

The Buddhist monk Geshe Kelsang Gyatso talked about delusions on the social platform “X” recently. Buddhist wisdom seems harsh to me sometimes. Perhaps because it is straightforward, and unafraid of “uncomfortable” truths. But is Buddhism inherently true?

“The reason we develop delusions naturally, whereas we have to apply effort to cultivate virtuous minds, is that we are very familiar with delusions. Our minds have been acquainted with delusions since beginningless time and so deluded mental habits are very deeply ingrained.” (Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, Aug 2, 2024 on X)

But I wonder, are not also virtuous habits very deeply ingrained? Otherwise, how would cells ever make it?

“Delusions can be removed from the mind by abandoning self-grasping, which is the root from which they all arise. (Aug 3)
Our delusions are so strong that they are constantly compelling us to commit negative karma, which causes us to take rebirth in samsara again and again. (Aug 5)”

I wonder whether only negative karma causes rebirth in the world. There appears to be a significant focus on the negative here. It makes sense, problems demand solutions. But what about all the positive phenomena?

What if we are deluded about the extent of suffering in the world?
Suffering is an inescapable fact of life, no doubt. To what extent must it be pushed on us though? Suffering can be mediated, even remedied. Siddhartha Gotama Buddha showed us how.

Consider the following social media post by Zuby I loved on X, @ZubyMusic on August 6th:

“Shout out to everyone who is doing honest work, treating people well, telling the truth, raising good kids, and doing good things to make the world better. Big and small.
The world is held together by a quiet army of decent people.
I appreciate you even if I don’t know you.”

I feel the same as Zuby. And it makes me wonder…

Do the dharma and karma wheels spin simultaneously?
Does the true nature of things lie beyond such wheels?
What does lie beyond cycles and change?
Constancy?
Of what?

Cellular wisdom and subtle consciousness? But these are also constantly changing. Or else evolution would cease to exist. Then, what does remain the same?

God?

* * * * *

Does it matter if I praise God, if He is one and the same with Her, the Great Goddess? Father and Mother, the same creative force? Equally regenerative and destructive as well?

Except, nuance matters. Why do certain distinctions matter, if it’s all the same creative force per se? Because forces have many manifestations. The same force can manifest in different ways. Innovation, spontaneity, and variation are important keys for evolution.

Evolution is the cosmic-planetary, psycho-physical phenomenon of living, doing, dying, being.

Prehistoric Eurasian civilizations appear to have had “a profound belief in a life-generating Goddess who represents One Source while pictured in many forms.” (Marija Gimbutas, 1991. P.222)****

“From as early as 25,000 B.C. [BCE], She is depicted with exaggerated breasts, vulva, and buttocks, indicating the centers of emanation of her procreative powers. A study of symbols in Paleolithic art demonstrates that the female, rather than the male, was the deity of creation. In fact, there are no traces in Paleolithic art of a father figure. The bearing and nourishing of offspring –plant, animal, and human– was the primary model for the development of the image of the Goddess as the all-generating deity. […]
The Goddess personifies the eternally renewing cycle of life in all its forms and manifestations.” (ibidem)

The multiple categories, functions, and symbols used by prehistoric peoples to express the Great Mystery are all aspects of the unbroken unity of one deity, a Goddess who is ultimately Nature herself.
… the Goddess who personifies the generative forces of nature. […] the various life propagating, birth-giving, life-maintaining, and life-stimulating aspects of the Goddess.
… the Goddess who personifies the destructive forces of nature – the Death Goddess […]
… the Goddess who of Regeneration; it is she who controls the life cycles of the entire natural world. […]

The Goddess of the Paleolithic and Neolithic is parthenogenetic, creating life out of herself. She is the primeval, self-fertilizing “Virgin Goddess” who has survived in numerous culture forms to the present day. The Christian Virgin Mary is a demoted version of this original deity. […] it seems clear that woman’s ability to give birth and nourish children from her body was deemed sacred, and revered as the ultimate metaphor for the divine Creator.” (ibid. p. 223) 

I shared this information with the philosophy club as we talked about panpsychism, pantheism, and transhumanism. I’m not sure why the ancient religion of the Great Goddess popped into my mind as I read the papers on these philosophical phenomena. I began wonder to what extent the religion of the Goddess might be panpsychic (ubiquitous mind), pantheistic (ubiquitous divinity) and transhuman (technology biology)? To what extent are philosophical categories renewed attempts at formulating existential phenomena? Subjects, perhaps, we humans understood far better in ancient civilizations.  Subjects that inherently exist, and are formulated, forgotten, remembered and reformulated.

“Archeologists and historians have assumed that civilization implies a hierarchical political and religious organization, warfare, a class stratification, and a complex division of labor. This pattern is indeed typical of androcratic (male-dominated) societies such as Indo-European but does not apply to the gynocentric (mother/woman-centered) cultures described in this book. The civilization that flourished in Old Europe between 6500 and 3500 B.C. and in Crete until 1450 B.C. enjoyed a long period of uninterrupted peaceful living which produced artistic expression of graceful beauty and refinement, demonstrating a higher quality of life than many androcratic, classed societies.
[…]
The primordial deity for our Paleolithic and Neolithic ancestors was female, reflecting the sovereignty of motherhood. In fact, there are no images that have been found of a Father God throughout the prehistoric record. Paleolithic and Neolithic symbols and images cluster around a self-generating Goddess and her basic functions as a Giver-of-Life, Wielder-of-Death, and as Regeneratrix. This symbolic system represents cyclical, non-linear, mythical time.
 The religion of the Goddess reflected a matristic, matrilineal, and endogamic social order for most of early human history. This was not necessarily “matriarchy,” which wrongly implies “rule” by women as a mirror image of androcracy. A matrifocal tradition continued throughout the early agricultural societies of Europe, Anatolia, and the Near East, as well as Minoan Crete. The emphasis in these cultures was on technologies that nourished people’s lives, in contrast to the androcratic focus on domination.
 The Old European social structure was in direct contrast with the Indo-European system that replaced it. As archeological, historical, linguistic, and religious evidence shows, Old European society was organized around a theacratic [spiritual government], communal temple community, guided by a queen-priestess, her brother or uncle, and a council of women as the governing body. In spite of the revered status of women in religious life, the cemetery evidence […] does not suggest any imbalance between the sexes or a subservience of one sex to the other. It suggests, instead, a condition of mutual respect.” (ibidem, p.viii-xi)

According to Samkhya Philosophy, “that which has never existed can never be brought into existence.”*****

Peace is our past. Peace is human nature. Peace is our future.

“It is a gross misunderstanding to imagine warfare as endemic to the human condition. Widespread fighting and fortification building have indeed been the way of life for most of our direct ancestors from the Bronze Age up until now. However, this was not the case in the Paleolithic and Neolithic. There are no depictions of arms (weapons used against other humans) in Paleolithic cave paintings, nor are there remains of weapons used by man against man during the Neolithic of Old Europe. From some hundred and fifty paintings that survived at Catal Hüyük, there is not one depicting a scene of conflict or fighting, or of war or torture.” (Gimbutas, 1995. p.viii-x) 

Birth-giving, in Catal Hüyük temple wall painting, 7,000 BCE.

So, what is the role of spirituality in politics and government? What does it mean to be a spiritual society, a spiritual civilization? What is the nature of the illusions that craft human realities? Are deluded mental habits deeply ingrained more than virtuous ones? And, do an embryo’s cells stand in competition and conflict with its mother cells, or do they share in a divine dance of cooperative cosmic creation, destruction and regeneration?

To be continued …

 

*FreemanTaylor Yoga @ YouTube, June 2024, “Five Steps to Embodying Happiness”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDX9vL-SpJI

**Buddhism, the Law of Silence - Abuses in Tibetan Buddhism (youtube.com), Direction : Elodie Emery Wandrille Lanos, Producer Tv Presse Productions. 2023.

***YOGA – Discipline of Freedom. The Yoga Sutra attributed to Patanjali. 1998. Barbara Stoler Miller. Bantam Books, New York, New York.

****Marija Gimbutas, 1991. The Civilization of the Goddess – The World of Old Europe. Edited by Joan Marler. HarperCollins Publishers, New York, NY.

*****Samkhya Karika of Ishvara Krishna with the Tattva Kaumudi of Sri Vacaspari Misra. Translated by Swami Virupakshananda, 1995. Sri Ramakrishna Math Printing Press, India.