Ouroboros (part two)

Words lost

I wrote something down

So I would not forget

But I don't remember where I put it

Too many papers and screens

Foolish compulsive composer

Aloof

My last training before leaving for a five-day family vacation, was my Thursday night Jiu-jitsu class. I particularly applied conscious breathing during an exercise on the floor. My opposing woman lay with her back flat on the ground. My chest weighing down on hers. My arms wrapped around underneath, one thread through the armpit, the other cradling her neck. Hands gripping each other, as if in a firm reverse handshake with myself. The objective: keep her down, keep her from moving at all. Instead of pinning my knees against her ribs, I experimented with keeping my legs stretched out for leverage. The Shifu had talked about a Jiu-jitsu world-champion who is a small man, capable of out-performing significantly larger opponents thanks to technique. Who stretches out his legs. Being smaller than my training partner I was playing around with that.

With great focus, I used the exhale to wrap and grip tighter around her lying beneath me. Ever so subtly as if my breath was casting a net around her body using mine. I directed a stoic inhale to the back of my body while still reinforcing my hold on hers. She was bigger, younger, and possibly stronger than me. But had no chance of moving. And this despite my fatigue. Technique before everything! And mastery of breath.

Techniques can trump weight, volume, force, and maybe even strength. It’s amazing what a subtle activation of the entire body seems to be capable of. I felt like Spiderwoman. Thanks to very conscious, concentrated breathing. Net-activation to the subtlest degree. Of course! The human body is an intricately knit web of tissue. It took a great “mental” effort to achieve this. Can I recreate it?

I’m afraid I suffer from beginner’s luck. I often get it miraculously right on the first try. Then the struggle begins. That’s why you gotta train, train, train. Repeat. Correct? No matter how excruciating and exhausting. Damn. Can I choose Zen instead? Beginner’s mind all the time. Except, it won’t tame my body’s fiery desire to burn. God help me! If only it didn’t involve such pain. I’ve begun to wonder, does pain have to involve suffering though? What exactly is suffering anyway?

Coincidently, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, the Modern Buddhist monk on the social media platform X wrote:

“Having attained liberation, we will no longer be projected into a rebirth under the control of delusions, but we will experience uncontaminated rebirth. An uncontaminated rebirth does not have the nature of suffering and does not give rise to suffering in the future.” (June 27^th)

Thus, I inquired:

“What is an example of an uncontaminated rebirth? Does not all embodiment include some form of suffering? Does suffering have to be bad? Or are there ways to live with it, despite it peacefully, even joyfully?”

G.K.G.: By contemplating the twelve dependent-related links of the perfectly purified side our mind will be uplifted because we will understand that we can completely abandon suffering and its causes by overcoming our ignorance that grasps at the inherent existence of phenomena. (June 28^th)

T. Nex: Sometimes it seems that the inherent existence of phenomena grasps at “me”. For example, my body bleeds every month demanding attention and care. It makes me suffer, but does it have to? Faced with a phenomenon I can’t ignore nor abandon at the moment, what alternative is there?

G.K.G.: All living beings wish to be happy but again and again they find their attainment of happiness frustrated by obstacles or hindrances, both external and internal. (June 29^th)

External hindrances can arise from animate objects such as malevolent humans and wild animals; or from inanimate objects such as the four external elements of earth, water, fire and wind, which can give rise to earthquakes, floods, destructive fires and hurricanes. (June 30^th)

T. Nex: Are benevolent forces hindrances, too? Or do these further liberation?

G.K.G.: Internal hindrances arise from causes within our body and mind. If our four internal elements are in a state of harmonious equilibrium our body is healthy, but when they are out of balance our body experiences a variety of problems and diseases. (July 1^st)

And so it goes, the philosophical merry-go-round. Do philosophers ever grow tired of philosophizing? Maybe sometimes. But like a good drug, it always draws me back into its spell. Is philosophy something I will have to give up on the mountain of liberation? Logically, yes. But philosophy is also what may have gotten me there. I guess we’ll see. Hey, if I’m gonna go grasping shit, then I take philosophy over other stuff any day of the week!

A note from my recent trip:

“And here I am now in a plane flying back to my city from a family vacation at the giant amusement park** with dozens of wild rides. My arms are sore. Right painful wrist. Dreading Ashtanga Yoga and the countless Chaturangas. Wondering, pondering. Suffering, what is it? And indeed, what do I do about it? As I allow these notions to flow through me, a rogue sense of venture awakens. Plough through. Pursue.
What techniques of perception are there to serve my senseless ambition to achieve some understanding of this crazy carnival called life. As my time to articulate athletic physical anthems is running out. Can suffering be transformed? Through perceptive techniques***? Damnit. Suffering is such a fucking loaded concept-form. Good luck getting through that samskarik jungle ride from hell. Me who is scared of roller coasters. Who screams like a banshee. Making my children light up with sadistic laughter and devilish smiles. Suffering. What. Is. It. 

Safe on the ground, I infinitely thank God. It feels good to walk. I am aware that we are flying through space on a twisted planet. But gravity, or whatever, gives me a sense of security. Moreso than flying in a metal tube through the air or rolling with naked speed tied to a falling cart.” 

To be continued . . .

** Cedar Point @ Sandusky, Ohio.
*** Perceptive Techniques (Warhnehmungsmethoden):
i.e. The Four Noble Truths, The Eightfold Path, The Yoga Sutras, Twelve Step Philosophy, et cetera…