Obturator orgasm
never disappoints.
Longissimi involvement interesting . . .
Is this what "kundalini" is about?
The infamous snake?
An ancient wheel of joy and pain.
Yes, please!!!!
I'll reincarnate
countless times
just to feel
again and again and again
just to feel
that indescribable pleasure.
I'll suffer, wait and train.
No orgasm occurs in vain.
Give me five, give me six,
give me ten!
*of course, ovulation vibes
To what extent is Prakrti (everything nature) aware of Purusha (pure consciousness)? Or is awareness reserved for one end of the (ever-twisting) existential axis of the observer and the observed, stacked in favor of a solitary witness to realize themself? To what extent is the very eye-organ proof that (pure) consciousness does have a hand in the manifested world of nature and is thus also accountable for nature's evolution?
first dimension
body in space
a particle in emptiness
amongst other particles
all connected through
emptiness in space
bodies seated
on a seat planted
on the ground
of a revolving planet
united through emptiness
in space
bodies of billions of cells
next dimension
entire body presence
feet legs knees
hands arms elbows
hips shoulders
torso head
front back sides
perceptive mechanisms everywhere
the senses
see hear taste smell touch
think know
eyes ears muth tongue
the brain
next dimension
skeleton, muscles, skin
body base
vertebrae skull
nervous system
blood flow
energy snake
axial body illumination
sacred body
gracious gift of Nature
gratitude for the physical form
gratitude for a fabulous planet
our Mother Earth
billions of bodies on Earth
next dimension
breath
flowing through the body
breathing in the world
lungs expanding
oxygen
gratitude for trees
breathing
out flows carbon dioxide
breathing in and out
various organs
the diaphragm
the heart
next dimension
outside the body
over the head
energy crown
shining bright
energy flow
suspended
in emptiness
billions of planets in space
united by emptiness
stillness
except
the giant sounds
of a beating heart
like an enormous bell
held by autonomous
luminous pillars
drumming incessantly
in the ribcage cathedral
of a skeleton cloaked
in emptiness and mystery
_______________________________________
Nature loves wisdom as much as her observer does. To think about everything that's there that one does not perceive. To train and refine one's perception. What does this mean?
What is the bridge between prakrti (natural perceptivity (perceiving and being perceived)) and purusha (pure perception)? Is it really the breath? What does it mean to purify perception? What is the relationship between the heart and the breath?
__________________________________________
Ways to quiet the heart according to a Western physician:
- reduce the need for oxygen (breath work)
- muscles are relaxed
- a matter of perception; perception CAN go beyond heart "distraction"
___________________________________________
Calor. Heat. Hitze. Just passed the Cancer New Moon at the height of summer. Went to a midsummer nightdream party over the weekend. Wore a fabulous short red velvet spaghetti strap dress. Braless. And tolerable black high heeled sandals. Even though they made my feet feel like blocks of stone on the dancefloor. But the breasts hung around freely. It felt good. A salute to Twentieth Century Feminism! And a nod of honor to Ancient Mothers and Grandmothers. "Always wear a bra! Even to sleep!" Warned my Mexican grandma, who had gorgeous breasts in her seventies. I totally undersand why female humans invented braziers. And I'm grateful every day. But oh does it feel liberating to let it all hang free sometimes.
Astrologer José Millán talked about Cancer in an interesting way in the context of all the transpersonal transformational energies facing the world, not least because of Pluto's final return to Capricorn before moving into Aquarius. Capricorn: father, social structures, institutions, working in the world, career, presenting outwardly etc. Cancer: mother, home, heritage, family, going within and being from within. He suggests to look at the inevitable changes (upheavals, revolutions, wars and the crumbling of sinstitutional society) not with fear. Cancerian energy invites to understand the family (in all its varied constellations) as a cell of society with timeless information. Eons of evolutionary intelligence with the ability to act as a force of renewal ever reinvigorating, reinventing and restructuring organisms from deep within. An inspirational driving force born out of individual collective intelligence. I do believe that this kind of timeless intelligence has enabled us strange human creatures to come thus far to begin with. I have faith that our cellular collective intelligence will renew the human organism to show up in the world not as fucking assholes but the loving beings that we were always meant to be. Why did we fuck up so bad all over time and space? God knows. This is a question for another time. For now, I am happy to revel in the holy inheritance of cellular intelligence that drives my organism with hope, dedication and courage into the ever changing transpersonal ocean of terrestrial destiny, as Cancer season closes out.
I have discovered assymetries and irregularities in my body that speak of weird old habits, afflictions and other things. Creating new customs through physical and spiritual retraining and refraiming is taking interesting turns. In a fascinating cylical fashion old patterns demand revisiting. Depression and foolishness rear their clownish faces. I laugh and cry. I despair and rejoice. Again and again. Yes, Buddha, rolling in pleasure and pain.
I lost a tampon that night. Let's face it, women have been putting "things" in their vaginas for eons. The physician mentioned that a patient once had lost a tampon while twerking pantylessly wearing a skirt. I had worn an undergament beaneath the red velvet dress. And I hadn't twerked. Must have taken it out automatically when I went to pee, forgot about it and freaked out. My mother had Alzheimer's, I lamented to doctor and nurse. Ouch. Watch out for the symptoms, he advised. Yeah, like forgetting?! :@
Husband assured me that it was not Alzheimer's but wineheimer's. Remeber how you almost threw up in the front yard? No. Remember how you struggled getting up the stairs? No. Damnit. Sounds like Alzheimer's to me.
Years ago, after having birthed my second child, I was traumatized by a lost tampon. Suddenly a strong, awful smell. Gyno didn't take a look. Prescribed strong medicine, pills and a lotion, instead. Husband giving me eyes like "You bringin' home an STD (sexually transmitted disease)?" Dude, f*ck you. I wish I'd been... damnit. At least then all this theater would have been worth it. Eventually discovered the lost tampon myself while applying the salve three times daily. Had accidently pushed it in with another tampon. Forgotten about it. Doctor and nurse said it can happen sometimes. Glad I'm not the only woman out here with these problems.
Well, that I made it up the stairs almost alone is a good thing. The gentle man used to have to carry me all the way from the train station to the old Berliner apartment up three old flights of stairs.
Another thing that coincided with the New Moon is the movement of the lunar nodes into the Aries (North) and Libra (South) Axis, where they will stay until January 2025. The last time the nodes were on this axis was from December 2004 to June 2006.
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| "Welcome to the Carnival" begun 2005, abandoned 2006 |
Checkpoint Now: Marriage (Libra), xy home together; pursruit of personal path (Aries), studying to teach yoga, training ballet (dance) and kung fu (martial arts) as well. Triverses. Maturing Nexistentialist. Still not sure what philosophy is. Wondering about the Gadfly of Athens (stirring up the town with philosophy) and the meanings of (eu)daemonia. Every once in a while there seems to be a teacher that passes knowledge directly to students, as opposed to, say, writing it down. But it gets written and interpreted anyway (i.e. the Bible and countless other arts). Just gotta be able to follow back the line to a moment of truth, regardless of where or how it occured. After all, the line is ongoing thus far. Except, it is not one line. It is the entretejido (interwoveness) of countless lines of interpretations. I made peace with Christianity and continue to study (South) Eastern Philosophy and Spirituality. In fact, I love the whole world of human perspectives, which despite their differences share so much. Anywhere on the globe. I love Jesus, and Buddha, too.
Enamored with poetry, with art and
the creative expression of the terrestrial mind.
I die without writing.
Without lyricism, the world just is not.
Without music or movement, why even be?
I love art.
But what is it?
This question tears me up inside.
Who is Art?
A Goddess, or
merely a simple human being?
Sound coming from the smartphone distorted distinctly by the wind. Is the music that I'm hearing real? Or is it but a figment of human imagination? For, as a human being, one never dreams alone. Everything is something someone sometime somewhere imagined. Who imagined all this? A goddess or a god?
The cup was surely made thanks to the desire of people past dreaming while cupping their hands to hold water, berries or seeds. Dreaming of holding water, berries and seeds beyond their hands. Who put the cup on the Platonic shelf of concepts? A concept that continues to create countless forms for holding substances beyond cupping human hands. What goddess or god dreamt up the concept called *cup*? Dreamt up shelters that have taken humans beyond forests, trees and caves? Who first dreamt of the comfort of running water or deliciously seasoned food? Who yearned for cool in the heat and warmth in the cold? We all have, haven't we? Not unlike Nature herself with her rivers, hot springs, pools, fires and caves. Have we humans merely desired to be like Her and create our visions, our versions of waterflow, light, matter, heat, cold, birth, destruction, day and night? And who imagined water, fire, metal, wind, wood and stone? Please tell me. Who?
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| "Grandmother Moon" - Pinterest |
Verliebt in die Poesie, in die Kunst und
in den kreativen Asudruck des irdischen Geistes.
Ohne Schrift sterbe ich.
Ohne Lyrik ist die Welt einfach nicht.
Ohne Musik, ohne Bewegung warum bin ich?
Ich liebe die Kunst.
Aber was ist sie?
Diese Frage zerreist mich innerlich.
Wer ist die Kunst?
Eine Göttin, oder
bloss ein stinknormaler Mensch?
Enamorada de la poesia, del arte y
de la expresión creativa de la mente terrenal.
Sin escritura me muero.
Sin el lirismo no hay mundo.
Sin música, sin moviemento ¿para qué ser?
Amo el arte.
¿Pero qué es?
Esta pregunta me desgarra por dentro.
¿Quien es Arte?
¿Una Diosa, o
simplemente un ser humano común y corriente?
Reckless for justice
The moral drunk
With love in their heart
For humankind
defending the mistreated
and defeating the beaters
With singular resolve
Eudaemonia,
"Happiness as
the legitimate aim
of any moral action,"
so the Aristotle story goes.
Pleasure guided
by the sobriety of reason.
The moral drunk
decides with the heart.
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| The Nerd Shirt |
(Un)Useful Prayer 1
Do you know how much sperm roams the Earth?
Semen Town/ Seed City
Do you realize how much semen is walking around town? We live in a city full of semen. The whole world swims in semen. Reason for being. I am therefore from semen. Long live semen! Amen.
Oración (In)Útil 1
¿Usted sabe cuanto semen se mueve por el mundo?
La Ciudad del Semen ¿Se da usted cuenta de cuánto semen camina por las calles? Vivimos en una ciudad llena de semen. Razón de existir. Soy por el semen. ¡Que viva el semen! Amén.
Un)Taugliches Gebet 1
Wissen Sie wieviel Sperma sich auf der Erde befindet?
Samenstadt Sind sie sich darüber im klaren wieviel Samen in der Stadt herumtobt? Wir leben in einer Stadt voller Samen. Die gesamte Welt schwimmt im Samen. Der Grund für das Sein. Ich bin also vom Samen. Lang lebe der Samen! Amen
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| Abby Jame GIFs |
Holding the heavy Buddha candle Falling over dramatically Splashing scented wax all over himself And injuring foot, leg and elbow. It was just a couple of beers And a little fornication. That’s all! Is that why abstinence from fun objects is a thing? Oh but the laughter!
What can I say? He seduced me Resulting in multiple bliss.
Yes, Buddha, I shall suffer again. It’s true, we fucked, And it was all over.
Santo Domingo
Desperté con buenas intenciones Pero mejor fui a misa en cama
¿Qué puedo decir? Él me sedujo Y resultó una múltiple bienaventuranza.
Si, Buddha, se que volveré a sufrir. Es cierto, cogimos Y se manchó todo.
Heiliger Sonntag
Bin mit guten Absichten aufgewacht Ging aber ins Bett statt in die Kirche
Was kann ich sagen? Er hat mich verführt Und es hat zu Mehrfachglück geführt.
Ja, Buddha, leiden werde ich wieder. Es ist wahr, wir haben gefickt Und alles kaputt gemacht.
Disillusionement with sacred scripture. Will it ever end? What is sacred anyway? I became disillusioned with the Western Bible for all the rubbish and hubris contained within. Idealized another ancient scripture then, only to experience disillusionment again. With the Eastern Yoga Sutras. Brilliantly concise and complete. But, of course, what is written by humans will be as flawed as we are. So what? Take what you like and leave the rest, the saying goes. I confess to yearning for wholeseome and unquestionable answers. But even in a world of sensible answers, questions abound.
Yoga Sutra II.40: śaucāt svāṅga-jugupsā parairasaṁsargaḥ
"By purification arises disgust for one's own body and for contact with other bodies." (1) (1985)
The word 'jugupsa' can be translated as censure, dislike, aversion, being on one's guard, abhorrence, disgust. (2) Sva = self; anga = limbs/body; paraih = with others; asamsargah = non-contact/non-intercourse; saucat = by cleanliness/purity. (2002)
The connotations for the human body are negative. I take issue with that. Another interpretation of the Yoga Sutras (3) explains that the spiritual seeker will "From purity," develop "distaste for his own body and [thus have] no intercourse with others"...
"When by practicing purity and seeing the defects in the body, he becomes disgusted with his own body, he becomes free from obsessions with the body; seeing what the body essentially is, he has no intercourse with others. So seeing, the renunciate finds no purity in the body even after he has washed it with earth and water and other things; how should he engage in intercourse with the absolutely unpurified bodies of others?" (1992)
I wonder, what exactly is the body essentially? And why is it understood to be essentially impure? This rings of a whole lot of unhealthy relationships with onself and others. It appears to contradict the wisdom of Yoga and the Sutras. It also explains the extreme ascetism that can be characteristic of classical yoga and the renunciates who seek social isolation. It also makes me think of the barbaric archaic Christian practices of self-flaggelation. I see no benefit in vieweing the body in a distasteful way. Yes, let's overcome the obsession with the body. But let's do so with compassion and love. I take fascination, study, exploration and admiration any day over distaste. Yes, it exists and all sorts of illnesses, addictions and afflictions (i.e. eating disorders, drugs, botox, plastic surgery etc.) result from experiencing distaste with the human body. Distaste is unwise. On the road to enlightenment/illumination all becomes relative if all is to be transcended in the end. Then, why loathe nature's bodies and their filth? Appreciation and love must not inhibit purity, cleanliness, hygiene, intercourse and procreation. On the contrary, they go hand in hand. The ancient Aztecs even had a Goddess of Filth, Tlazoltéotl ("Filth Deity"), who was a temptress and a purifier, ruling over flesh, feces, and feritility. Filth is an undeniable aspect of human existence. Must we loathe it?
I.K. Tainmi doesn't seemm to think so (4), as he clarifies in his scientific interpretation of the Yoga Sutras, where Sutra 2.40 is translated as follows:
"From physical purity (arises) disgust for one's own body and disinclination to come in physical contact with others." (1986)
On the one hand Taimni declares: "The physical body is essentially a dirty object as a little knowledge of physiology will convince anyone." Not me. The physical body is essentially beyond dirty and beyond an object as a little knowledge of Sein (To be) will convince anyone, too. If it's but a matter of perspective, why vilify the body? To see it as wonderful and sacred and holy is possible as well. Isn't it? But Tainmi insists: "Physical beauty is proverbially skin deep and beneath this skin there is nothins but a mass of flesh, bones and all kinds of secretions and waste products which arouse disgust in our mind when they come out of the body."
Except, catching the constant shit of my babies also filled me with such joy. They filled me with joy. It's their shit. So what? Both the disgust and the joy of cleaning shit, piss and vomit were temporary anyway. The children grew up and learned to clean their own shit. And that is just a fragment of what having a human body means. It cannot be reduced to being essentially an object, for it enjoys a vast subjective existence (nervous system, intuition etc.) and is frequently the subject itself in a lifetime of movements. Tainmis understanding of the body is in my opinion essentially wrong.
Distaste for the body leads to an antisocial state of mind. Tainmi explains that "A person who feels disgust for his own body is not likely to feel any attraction towards the bodies of others which are likely to be comparatively less clean. The disinclination to come in physical contact wih others is thus natural." Iyengar's translation turns Sutra 2.40 into a more practical guideline: "Cleanliness of body and mind develops disinterest in contact with others for self-gratification." (2002)
Today at the public pool, as I meditated on filth, I looked onto everybody there with great love. Even though it still felt gross to walk barefooted on moist and mini-muddy mystery wet floor. This did little to my sociability though, my love for humankind. Human nature is inevitably interactive and bodybound. Distaste only leads into the opposite of truly understanding what the human body essentially is. Distaste also threatens to divide what is inescapably unified. Potentially leading to all sorts of ills such as hierarchies, castes and ranks. It's socially divisive on a human scale, nihilistic in the individual. It's counterintuitive as it moves away from nature but not in a good way.
To develop a distaste for the human form on the path to illumination makes little sense to me. What were these ancient sages thinking? Blind to their own contradictions. And I thought they had it all figured out. The body is to be loved. Nature is to be loved. Distaste does occur, but is not wise. The body walks beyond distaste essentially, which is why it cannot be essentially distasteful. Nature nurtures and cleanses with equanimity. Balanced stillness for Prakriti thanks to Purusha? Or is Nature essentially balanced as well?
Even Tainmi believes in a "fundamental law of Love":
"But it should be noted that this does not mean any feeling of repulsion towards others, for that would be positively reprehensible and against the fundamental law of Love. A positive love towards the owner of the vehicle is quite compatible with a lack of desire to come in contact with the vehicle itself when a person has the capacity to distinguish between the two."
Except, remember Jesus of Nazareth?
"Love your neighbour as you love yourSELF."
Every seeker exists inextricably linked to her body. The law of Love equally applies to one's own body, the one we're in constant contact with while alive.
At the pool I also thought about what thinker I might kiss if I could. Krishnamurti, maybe. Dshuang Dsi, definitely.
And then again, sacred scripture is as flawed as my desire for flawlessness. Thank God for the Dirt Goddess! Pendulum between filth and fertility, between desire and purity.
Tlazoltéotl - Goddess of Filth 1
Bitch sniffing where shit, piss and other things are smeared.
Tlazoltéotl - Drecksgöttin 1
Eine Hündin schnüffelt die mit Scheisse, Pisse und anderen Dingen verschmierte Stelle.
(1) Integral Yoga - The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda. 1985.
(2) Light on the Yoga SUtras of Patanjali. B.K.S. Iyengar. 2002.
(3) Sankara on the Yoga Sutras - A Full Translation of the Newly Discovered Text. Trevor Leggett. Delhi, 1992.
(4) The Science of Yoga. I.K. Taimni. 1986.
On a holistic awakening of the body.
You (mind, consciousness) are the body. The body is you. If you are spirit divine, then so is your biological body.
I've picked up on a perceptive phenomenon towards my body in terms of separateness, which appears to be calcified into its very tissue. The fascial net (connective tissue) is definitely affected, also muscles (dormant, hyperactive) and joints. Perhaps even the bones. Certainly the cellular map will be affected. Not sure how this affects the functioning of the nervous system. Is it actually the fascia that dictates movement, not muscle mass? Given its alleged superior number of neurons? It makes sense that the net moveth the mass, not vice versa. Too much mass force could rip the net connective force, couldn't it?
How can yoga help, say which asanas (poses), to integrate the wholeness of the human body and awaken atrophied parts to their existence as an integral element of a whole? What kind of practice can accomplish a holistic awakening of conscious proprioception? Only seated meditation? Cannot the principles of observation, awereness and mindfulness (i.e. body scanning, samadhi, complete absorption) be applied in any position?
The weight of my breasts feels like a proprioceptive distraction. Must get conscious in order to integrate their sensation, position and weight into my movements to avoid "misalignments." Must find an intentional way, and train into habit conscious breast bearing. Particularly the (upper) thoracic spine appears to be affected to the bone. I suspect that the inherent anatomical structure is prepared to accomodate the additional "dead" (muscleless) weight. I do remember what it was like to feel free in my body. What it was like not to bleed. As I once was a girl without the burden of tits, these baby-feeding extensions. But do I also remember what it was like to feel trapped? Like in an egg of some sort. (Is there confinement or freedom in a sphere?) Do I remember the organic separation from the motherwomb? What did that feel like? What sensations did spirit store and why? Maybe it doesn't matter because there is always freedom within?
After "losing" my body to trauma and transformation; to high heels, tights and corsets; to pregnancy, birthing and motherhood. Yoga has helped me come into contact with my child self and my love for moving creatively. Yoga has awakened my child consciousness and triggered healing from the wounds of womanhood.
What’s up with this notion in ("Western") anatomy to separate between body parts? For the sake of specificity? Specificity in what direction? One of separating or one of integrating? How does this affect human perception of the self? And how can a holistic view be created or restored? Yes, one whole made of parts, but which side of the scale do you swing towards?
I'm currently exploring the notion of a pendulum between whole and partial perception, in terms of human anatomy, of anatomical systems of perception. What effects on proprioception has the study of the body mapped out as specific parts? As opposed to the study of the human body mapped out as a holistic flow of energy, for instance? How do different schools of body perception, i.e. Western vis a vis Eastern anatomical conceptions (organic structure mapping) affect the way a human body is perceived?
Which asanas accentuate a holistic biological proprioception as opposed to being focused on more specific aspects of structure and mobility?
It seems to be a natural consequence to do backbends given the structure of the human spine. It's why they're possible to begin with. It's clearly been done before. Thus resulting in such an organism as the limbed spiral axial creature that is the human being, who bends back and forth and side to side. Ancient humans appear to have had a remarkable understanding of human anatomy. The body scriptum alone is a testament to that. Not to mention schools of movement wisdom. Thus, study of the organic body is essential to understanding humankind. Thus, creating mind. Beyond individual musings lies the power of Evolution, ceaselessly whispering words of wisdom past and carefully listenting to the beats of contemporary creativity.
The human creature is essentially intelligent. Then why does it behave with such ignorance? Because samsara (the world) is but a narcissistic creator fascination with the terrestrial human experience? A show for some abstract observer to watch but not get distracted by? An existential carnival. And it doesn't matter which carousel or roller-coaster you choose, you're still part of the carnival. Even as a mere spectator you still are!
Is a perceiver's essential nature individual or universal?
