Coginitive Insanity

Haunted by a word „Nietzsche“ . . . “Nietzsche” floats around in my brain. Even the English autocorrect on the laptop is programmed for it. But what does it mean? Never even read the man, yes, learned of him and his ideas: a reoccurring presence in my mental airspace, sure. Ein Wolkenbild, a cloudy image in my mind. But is it easy to miss the sky when I’m stuck on the ground. I have vehemently rejected schools of thought perhaps in an attempt to find my own way in this existential carnival we call life.

And I get so amped up sometimes. It often precedes a creative burst. This manifestation of soul material can adopt many forms -  does it adapt to different environments? Personal experience says it does. How do different environments shape these forms of individual expression? I think about how hard it is to be around my parents sometimes, especially my father. Due to a life time of conflicts in his presence my individual expression finds itself yes tainted by strong untamed emotions especially given specific triggers such as a particular attitude or word.  And I wonder, but how do you tame love? For it is an undeniable fact that I profoundly love my parents.

How can I re-adapt to an environment which has habituated me to certain responses which are no longer favorable? Can I be around my parents for example without partaking in the same conflicts that have characterized our relationship? Do I still crave their approval? Am I still at odds with their different points of view? I am used to feeling a certain way about it which affects my responses today. I can get angry and frustrated. How can they not see things? Well they don't. So how do I integrate my new knowledge, innovative traits, in this old environment? Is there something in myself I can fall back on?

I think about the rudimentary organs Darwin talks about: remnants of another evolutionary stage in which traits were required given certain environmental conditions. Rudimentary traits such as various muscles in the human body, the hand for example, are no longer used though still present.  If at some point in the human evolutionary chain our forebears used heavy clubby tools on a daily basis their hands needed muscles unlike hands used to keyboards or remote controls. The presence of such rudimentary features reveal to us something about the living conditions at other times and today enable us for that kind of work even if we don't carry it out. I think of yoga and discovering muscles I didn’t think were there. So is re-adapting to the same environment possible given another approach? Given the development of other traits – whether this means reviving neglected abilities or innovating present habits.