Burnt Basmati and Blutlappen*

 Thank you, Sun, for philosophy Sunday! Contemplative bathing, Sanskrit chanting, Mysore yoga, friendship, family, stillness, moving freely, writing...

I burn the rice from becoming lost in philosophy (physical and written). So that’s what’s for dinner. Burnt sometimes is good and healthy. Fire is my favourite element. Fire gives life flavour.
I wander away from kitchen engagements pulled by music to pursue philosophical reverie (physical** exploration through movement and dance) of a human nature (creative exploration and expression, art). Until I get pulled out of dreaming by other engagements. One of my children calls, interrupting the music that was playing from the smartphone. Some engagements I will never be able to turn my back to, such as motherly engagements, which have bound me in inescapable ways through unconditional love.

At night in bed on Monday, I tell my lover all about the physical lessons of the day. About the new revelations in yoga class and how these translate to my martial arts training. He smiles with glowy eyes. I ask him why. He says he loves to see me so happy and passionate. It’s true, I’m often gloomy and moody, but never when I talk about the study of human body movement. He knows, if I don’t get my daily dose of philosophy I get bitchy.

Movements that transcend the body fascinate me, too. What happens beyond individual perception? What moves collective existence? How is it that I receive answers to questions I never uttered aloud? I do ask “God” (to be defined) things all the time. For example, I intended to ask the yoga teacher why the quadratus lumborum (QL) muscles are so hyperactive, as I continue to notice lower back pain after intensive training. And because I was curious about the particular view of this teacher at this point in time, regarding a question I have asked before and might very well ask again. Questions are asked like mantras sung into the world repeatedly, and the universe sings back in chorus, and information is passed on along an ambiguous chord (time), which twists through a mysterious material universe (space) of unknown proportions, ceaselessly sought by the senses.

I’m not sure how much of the lower back pain occurrences might be related to the psoas muscles, too. My anatomical sensitivity remains unpolished. But I’ve noticed what I believe to be the psoas area firing in stressful situations, in which I exhibit impulsive fight or flight responses. For example, when I substitute at the special education school, where students of all ages with severe behavioural, neurological and physical issues, even medically fragile students receive attention, care and an education. Sometimes a student’s aggressive behaviour escalates and becomes dangerous. Worst case scenario: get hit, bitten bloody, or be struck by a random flying object. I understand, as a mother of three children, I’ve experienced my share of escalations. We must protect ourselves and those around us. Sometimes the classroom needs to be cleared in a hurry while a student is having a serious escalation. I’ve noticed that even though I stay calm on the outside and carry out my duty to protect the child I’m in charge of, my body appears to have a strong response in the psoas area towards the low back, which exhibits as tense pain. As the perception of danger subsides, so does the physical tension. I think about four-legged creatures that also have psoas muscles, like donkeys, horses, cows and goats, who kick their hind legs when they feel scared, and wonder, to what extent is fear/stress exhibited in the psoas? What is an instinctive human response to threats? To run, jump, climb, swim the hell away, or fight.

The yoga teacher explained how the back of the body is supported by the bony structure of the spine, whereas the front of the body is soft. The bony sternum (breast plate) and rib cage float atop organs and soft tissue. It’s true, gravity is always pulling me down towards the front (breasts LOVE gravity). To counteract this, he focused our training on the activation, strengthening and stretching of the clavicular joints where the arms attach to the torso. He explained how the top of the arm and shoulder connect diagonally to the opposing hip through the serratus anterior muscle (hugging the shoulder and ribcage) and the oblique all the way down and across to the hip. I’ll have to map this out with the Anatomy Atlas. But, I felt it physically. And, I played with this awareness all week in kung fu, ballet and the kitchen. I noticed particularly a heightened stability and ease while doing round-house kicks and while turning slowly on one leg in arabesque, as I imagined holding up and swinging the legs from across the chest. The teacher’s larger point was related to breathing. By expanding the chest area at the sterno-clavicular junctions, breathing stamina would not have to diminish in advanced age due to the downward pull of gravity, ultimately crushing breath space through the collapse of the body onto itself. I noticed that this approach to breathing allowed for mor ease in moving. It also pulled me away from diaphragmatic incarceration***, the horrible habit of holding my breath when concentrating on unfamiliar movements in a foolish (momentarily unconscious) attempt to recruit the diaphragm as a muscle for stability.

How I think about the limbs, arms and legs alike, relating to the torso, shifts again. I begin to think of myself as a four-legged creature, as opposed to a bipedal beast. And it troubles me. But not for long. The diagonal-frontal connective body consciousness also changed the behaviour of the head in ballet, in surprising ways demanding further exploration. I must learn to turn on the connective consciousness in complete absorption in order to seek the serious study therof.

Another interesting philosophical exchange took place this week on social media (on X formerly known as Twitter) with Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. Perhaps he is my first great master (except for my mother, of course, who is my most significant teacher of philosophy, who taught me how to think, in ways no book, no class ever could). I read his work “Modern Buddhism” several years ago and it was life changing. The latest exchange stands roughly as follows. I would respond to a post. There would be no direct response but a series of posts, which I have compounded. It began with him stating:

- Things do not exist from their own side. There are no inherently existent I, mine and other phenomena; all phenomena exist as mere imputations. Things are imputed upon their basis of imputation by thought.

- What is the basis of things upon which thought imputes?, I asked.

- What does ‘basis of imputation’ mean? For example, the parts of a car are the basis of imputation for the car. The parts of a car are not the car, but there is no car other then its parts. Car is imputed upon its parts by thought. How? Through perceiving any of the parts of the car we naturally develop the thought ‘This is the car’.
Similarly, our body and mind are not our I or self but are the basis of imputation for I or self. Our I is imputed upon our body or mind by thought. Through perceiving our body or mind we naturally develop the thought ‘I’ or ‘mine’.
Without a basis of imputation things cannot exist. Everything depends upon its basis of imputation.
Why is it necessary to change the basis of imputation for our I? Since beginningless time in life after life until now, the basis of imputation for out I has only been contaminated aggregates of body and mind.
Because the basis of imputation for our I is contaminated by the poison of self-grasping ignorance, we experience the endless cycle of suffering.

- So the basis of imputation are parts and form? Who or what creates thought? What is the basis of thought? Is ignorance thought? Has it the power to affect the very basis it imputes upon? Then, is it both basis and imputation, thus accounting for the cyclical nature of existence?
Cycles that can be changed by transforming either the basis or the imputation? Rendering the notion of self open to idiosyncratic interpretation to serve as a tool in the evolution of phenomena?

- To free ourself from suffering permanently we therefore need to change our basis of imputation from contaminated aggregates to uncontaminated aggregates.

- How?

- Anyone who does not wish to experience suffering needs to change their basis of imputation.

I thought about Startrek and beaming. Will beaming actually be possible thanks to the whole imputation upon parts relationship? I wonder about the body and how its various parts can be imputed upon in different ways. To perceive specific relationships, alignments and geometries of the physical human form influences its ability to create movement. Thanks to the awakening, or imputation of the arm-clavicle-serratus anterior-oblique-to hip diagonal connection in yoga class, my round-house kicks in Kungfu class, and arabesque turns in ballet improved. Enhanced stability allowed for more range of movement and control, as I imagined engaging the sterno-clavicular area in the lifting of the opposite leg and turning of the hips.

I end the week with very active bleeding on a rainy spring Sunday morning, one which celebrates resurrection, victory over death. Life goes on, they say. Embedded in human tradition is the phenomenon of arising and passing. Amen.

Can I commit great lessons from distinctive masters to memory? I don’t know. What I do know, is that every lesson co-writes the script that I call self (idiosyncratic, world-digesting mind body Nexistentialist phenomenon).

 

* blood rag
**I continue to believe that mind, too, as part of the body is physical. I am not sure how to make a distinction between mental and/or spiritual and physical. Thoughts and feelings also exist within the confines of a physical universe.
***Trapped in the diaphragm: using it for concentrating on movement by holding it instead of breathing. Breath perception limited through notion of abdominal breathing. Clavicular breathing liberates movement through expansion of breath flow within the ribcage, which is pulled by gravity without bone support in the front, self-collapsing, crushing breath. Weak abdomen equals even less support. Abdominal breathing enough to sustain a strong structure? Or, does breathing always happen everywhere, but perception becomes inhibited or physical scope limited? When breath is held, does movement cease? Or, can the flow of breath be guided from within? Of course, only temporarily, but through training can the time be prolonged?