Half Moon (in Capricorn)

Am recognizing past misconceptions about the spine, amongst other things. Samskaras? Habit patterns? Am attempting to rearrange, ever so subtly, lumbar* and thoracic** relations. It’s taken over two years of conscious study, practical effort, and countless lessons with great masters to arrive at this juncture. And this only after having crossed many more minor and major physiophilosophical junctures. These experiences are often nameless, the are only felt (in body, mind and spirit). Nameless because I feel a concept without form. Forms being words, symbols, language, structures etc.(in terms of anatomy (body maps) and beyond). Nameless because I feel what is formed without conscious conceptio. Body sensations manifesting in the flesh I never conceived to my knowledge. The question is, how to perceive one's own existential form? How to perceive what lies beyond (either way outwardly or inwardly)? A conceptual relationship of the self with an extensive manifest reality (nature) exists. And a formal relationship with "reality" exists also. Bound by biology, physics and ecosystems, forms inter-are. ____________________________________________

*lumbar axis exhale breath pattern (half-cow); pelvic floor, lower torso musculature "awakening"; hold inhale form (**) during cow bottom consciousness

**thoracic axis inhale breath pattern (half-cat) (inflated rib cage, expansion towards the back, upper torso musculature "awakening"); hold exhale form (*) during cat top consciousness _____________________________________________

Take a teacher’s lesson and find a way to study it - through questioning, contemplation, practice etc.

Dancers are philosophers. 


 Anyone who moves is, Anyone who makes of movement art.

The biological vessel has peculiar responses to the experiences it is subjected to, as well as phenomena surrounding it. This dynamic merits more examination. But there is so mucho going on all the time, that is is difficult to keep track of it all.

Every time he steps into the room I seem to lose my balance. How do I stay balanced even in his nerve racking presence? How do I not get turned on and distracted from the spiritual quest of liberation? Is existence indeed only composed of nature (i.e. hormones, biological structures, the manifest universe (formed conceptializations?))? Or does something lie beyond? And what is that like? Must conceptualize, must give form. Why? To live, to survive? What if what lies beyond is formless and deceptualized? How can it be understood from a place of form (beig alive, in a body, on a planet, a part of the physical universe etc.)? All that is not known remains a mystery. No mystery can be eternal, can it? Form conceptualized... formless concepts ... unconpetualized formlessness ... mysteries that can be solved?

Sometimes a teacher’s brilliance is realized in the repercussions of the lessons given, the effects these have over time, not necessarily in the moment of instruction. What carries over to the context outside of the classroom? What remains in consciousness, what travels through the unconscious? All input requires digestion. All effort (spirit) demands rest (organic limitations).

Are other spirtiaul scriptures around the world, in structure similar to the Bible in terms of being a collection of writings realized over time by countless authors and even more countless storytellers? Or do traditions with an unfiltered core exist, that have been carried over faithfully, consistently, obstinately from generation to generation?

Grauzahn Wilderbart (Märchenfigur) Greytooth Wilderbeard (Fairy-tale figure)

Prämens / premenstrual: cramps, heightened sensitivity, grumpiness, sore breasts, bloating, less energy, biological low (biolow/Biotief)

Cumspotting

Obturator orgasm
never disappoints.
Longissimi involvement interesting . . .
Is this what "kundalini" is about?
The infamous snake?
An ancient wheel of joy and pain.

Yes, please!!!!
I'll reincarnate
countless times
just to feel
again and again and again
just to feel
that indescribable pleasure.

I'll suffer, wait and train.
No orgasm occurs in vain.
Give me five, give me six,
give me ten!

*of course, ovulation vibes

Full Moon in Sagittarius

On a holistic awakening of the body.

You (mind, consciousness) are the body. The body is you. If you are spirit divine, then so is your biological body.

I've picked up on a perceptive phenomenon towards my body in terms of separateness, which appears to be calcified into its very tissue. The fascial net (connective tissue) is definitely affected, also muscles (dormant, hyperactive) and joints. Perhaps even the bones. Certainly the cellular map will be affected. Not sure how this affects the functioning of the nervous system. Is it actually the fascia that dictates movement, not muscle mass? Given its alleged superior number of neurons? It makes sense that the net moveth the mass, not vice versa. Too much mass force could rip the net connective force, couldn't it?

How can yoga help, say which asanas (poses), to integrate the wholeness of the human body and awaken atrophied parts to their existence as an integral element of a whole? What kind of practice can accomplish a holistic awakening of conscious proprioception? Only seated meditation? Cannot the principles of observation, awereness and mindfulness (i.e. body scanning, samadhi, complete absorption) be applied in any position?

The weight of my breasts feels like a proprioceptive distraction. Must get conscious in order to integrate their sensation, position and weight into my movements to avoid "misalignments." Must find an intentional way, and train into habit conscious breast bearing. Particularly the (upper) thoracic spine appears to be affected to the bone. I suspect that the inherent anatomical structure is prepared to accomodate the additional "dead" (muscleless) weight. I do remember what it was like to feel free in my body. What it was like not to bleed. As I once was a girl without the burden of tits, these baby-feeding extensions. But do I also remember what it was like to feel trapped? Like in an egg of some sort. (Is there confinement or freedom in a sphere?) Do I remember the organic separation from the motherwomb? What did that feel like? What sensations did spirit store and why? Maybe it doesn't matter because there is always freedom within?

After "losing" my body to trauma and transformation; to high heels, tights and corsets; to pregnancy, birthing and motherhood. Yoga has helped me come into contact with my child self and my love for moving creatively. Yoga has awakened my child consciousness and triggered healing from the wounds of womanhood.

What’s up with this notion in ("Western") anatomy to separate between body parts? For the sake of specificity? Specificity in what direction? One of separating or one of integrating? How does this affect human perception of the self? And how can a holistic view be created or restored? Yes, one whole made of parts, but which side of the scale do you swing towards?

I'm currently exploring the notion of a pendulum between whole and partial perception, in terms of human anatomy, of anatomical systems of perception. What effects on proprioception has the study of the body mapped out as specific parts? As opposed to the study of the human body mapped out as a holistic flow of energy, for instance? How do different schools of body perception, i.e. Western vis a vis Eastern anatomical conceptions (organic structure mapping) affect the way a human body is perceived?

Which asanas accentuate a holistic biological proprioception as opposed to being focused on more specific aspects of structure and mobility?

It seems to be a natural consequence to do backbends given the structure of the human spine. It's why they're possible to begin with. It's clearly been done before. Thus resulting in such an organism as the limbed spiral axial creature that is the human being, who bends back and forth and side to side. Ancient humans appear to have had a remarkable understanding of human anatomy. The body scriptum alone is a testament to that. Not to mention schools of movement wisdom. Thus, study of the organic body is essential to understanding humankind. Thus, creating mind. Beyond individual musings lies the power of Evolution, ceaselessly whispering words of wisdom past and carefully listenting to the beats of contemporary creativity.

The human creature is essentially intelligent. Then why does it behave with such ignorance? Because samsara (the world) is but a narcissistic creator fascination with the terrestrial human experience? A show for some abstract observer to watch but not get distracted by? An existential carnival. And it doesn't matter which carousel or roller-coaster you choose, you're still part of the carnival. Even as a mere spectator you still are!

Is a perceiver's essential nature individual or universal?

thoughts letter 1

 Esteemed male Doctor,

you said the other day that in standing two twenty-year-olds next to each other, a male and a female, there would be no difference anatomically. While I tend to agree with you in broad strokes, I also perceive differences that cannot merely be ignored.

"There's a reason women know so little about our own bodies," writes Maya Salam in her book review of Vagina Obscura - An Anatomical Voyage by Rachel E. Gross. I do believe, there is a beyond sexual and reproductive relevance and perspective to our private parts. Vulvas, vaginas, and what inter-connects with them, i.e. the entire body, is an inescapable presence for womankind. 

And did Eve indeed come from Adam's rib? Nay, man is part of woman. Were not all human bodies once part of a woman's? There is no hierarchy to this. We do exist as inter-being varieties.

But, let's give to the idiosyncratic anatomy of woman complete consideration. To the female human anatomical structure, which tends to include a vulva, clitoris, vagina, uterus, ovaries, breasts and connective tissues (i.e. muscles) holding it all together as part of a design to hyper-expand and contract repeatedly and in a relatively short amount of time for the gestation, growth, birthing and lactation of another human being. How is the entirety of the physical body affected by this nuance?

To understand myself as a woman, I must explore The Vaginal Void.

With kind regards and looking forward to your cooperation!