The Child

i, too, was there when you cried, i was there when you stumbled, when you exploded with anger, when you wept with emotion. i was there for you when he didn't come home and suffered alongside with you for his well-being. i was there when you thought the world was a dark place and i smiled at you. And i didn't question your commands. i was there to show you how important you are, how grand, how beautiful. i was there to love you, to trust you, look up to you. i was there to kiss your violent hand. i, too, passed you cleenex to wipe your sadness away. i was there when you worried and I was there when you slouched. I was there everyday and reminded you how life goes on. i was there because i loved you. And i love you still.

Love 2003

I love him so deeply... passionately, madly, eternally, fully, painfully, all-incompassingly. He sauf his problems is family... love in its rawest, purest, most primal and most evolved form. Complex and diverse, a versatility of emotions culminating into one big bang of cosmic tension exploding into countless particles to form galaxies, solar systems, milky ways, supernovas, planets, suns, stars and even black holes. Always moving and revolving with the mysteries of gravitational force so obscurely powerful that no perfected reason is able to conceive of it but only the faithful heart can embrace. I float in an endless universe of emotions and memories and thoughts...all surrounding them and their significance in my feeble existance, in my finite life. I want them to know. I want them to understand. To read these meaningless pages. The way I would describe what I feel through a verbal, literary filter of reason... while I know ...in the heart, where it is so powerful it surfaces as pain and teary, heavy eyes, where it fogs up my windows to the soul with a mist so humid, so fluid... where I feel. Where the power is too much to bear, where insanity has its birthplace.

Santo Sufrimiento

Bendito seas
por tu cruda honestidad.
Bendito seas
por tu mensaje de amor.
Bendito por recordarnos
el valor
que tiene
la felicidad.
Sólo te pido
que no sea muy prolongado el dolor.
Eres grato,
Bendito,
y no descriminas.
Gracias por penetrar la memoria.
Dejas huella
cuando terminas, y
¡tus revelaciones son la gloria!

to reside in abstraction

Like flies finding onto the wooden stump in the sun and resting upon it...
To get startled by insects is to be reminded of my civilized nature...
learned concepts of beauty and peace reveal to me
the monsters of burried memory and tainted knowledge.
The call for comfort confronts me with simple nuissance.
Yet, the senses know what's artificial...but they, too, join in the dreaming.

I discover that I have sought comfort in abstraction;
now I seek peace and distraction.
I become afraid to turn sachlich,
to hold on to the matter I know has a fin.
In spite of it all, let me tell you a story!
Words without wisdom, impressions of glory.
There is lethargy in abstraction.
I dare not put in words my suspicion.
Learned to find Halt in what's hard to define.
I am going through some sort of transformation,
never ceasing to give up the mine.
It is in this abstraction that I find solace and peace of mind
with myself as conscious creature.

Do I need to learn another language?
To learn a new languague has been to
transform...to metamorphose.
Maybe I have an identity
that has four strong identities
and then some more subtle ones.
Yet, independently of linguistic manifestations
and cultural aspirations,
my identity is one.
This one exists in abstraction.
There, the moon melts into the sun,
and the spirits become one.
It is there that the mind is set free,
when life is no different than that of a tree...
or a bug, or a river, or dirt.

So many details escape me when I reside in abstraction.
I seek with reluctance to scripture.
Not sure how to deal with the trains from without.

rejuvenating

Exhausted.
Been pushin' hard again,
too hard suppose.
Body has limits,
so does mind.
Strength lies in patience,
quiet persistance.
Slow but steady.
Fall get up.
Sit still.
Breathe.

Time for
a spiritual moment...

Head held high
Eyes on the horizon
Mobile spine

breathe

spiritual science notes

The souls of this world bear many faces. Why pursue an earthy existance? For the beauty of living in a blue sphere of rainbow colors? To personify the human being appears to have become trendy. Why is being human so fashionable these days? When the wisdom of other earthy creatures remains unrivaled...

To incarnate an earthy body, or any body for that matter, is to become a physical manifestation of energy. A channel within a vessel. The human body, evolution's marvelous experiment, represents a fascinating potential for the expression of energy in the worldly dimensions. An all-powerful capacity to manifest. A bipedal structure, a voicebox and two hands with opposable thumbs launched the hominid to new planes of existance. The human being walks the Earth, speaks in tongues and acts without measure and leisurely pleasure, surefooted and insecure.

Biological programming is time-consuming and effective. The seeds of the spring are the autumn's bounty. Biological regeneration is time-consuming and effective, a modus supervivendi. The body falls ill. The human form is vulnerable. Ist es den Sinnen zugänglich, hat es eine Form. In einer Welt voller Illusionen, was ist Wahrheit? To seek truth enables the filter for illusions. Doubt is your friend. That humans control anything is an illusion. A philosopher is a lover of wisdom, not wisdom itself.

God did create humans in his own image and humans are creative creatures. However, they are no different than any other form of life, which flows through it all. Life creates life. Life has many forms. Forms are vulnerable. They can grow ill. Healing processes are time-consuming and effective. Suffering does come from desire. Desire is an illusion of control. Control is a misconception.

Life also takes destructive forms, self-destructing forms. In the human creature this manifests itself as ill-being, as irrational and destructive agencies, such as war.

Flujo existencial

Todo fluye. Un flujo incesante de memorias domina los movimientos de mi mente. No distingue entre sueños o recuerdos terrenales. Todo lo he vivido, todo me lo trae presente. Tienen la misma calidad existencial. ¡Cuantos recuerdos! Lugares, personas, sensaciones, sentimientos, pensamientos, descubrimientos...sobre todo lugares. Aparesco como una figura solitaria y abstracta siendo desde una distancia indefinida. Observo, analizo y contemplo. Las otras personas solo son pasantes, los paisajes escenario. Vivo a base de intuiciones e instintos, los pensamientos que surjen no son más que un público pasivo. Mi propio cuerpo es irreal. Soy algo y nada más, un disfraz de ser humano. Cada día es otro sueño más que mañana tal vez será recuerdo. Mi memoria corto plazo me falla mientras las memorias distantes inundan los espacios cognitivos. Las experiencias soñadas son igual de insistentes. Sólo espero que este río me lleve a un lago para descanzar...¿o a caso voy hacia el mar? No soy dueña de mi propia existencia, sólo testigo. Parto porta imparcialidad, descubro desprendimiento. La vida está tan cerca de la muerte. Es pasajero, el flujo incesante. No hay detenimiento.

Santo

Naciste el jueves 23 de octubre del año 2008 a las 18:50 de la tarde en la clínica Vivantes en Schöneberg, Berlin. El parto en sí acabó durando como 6 horas, fuiste bastante eficiente una vez que se te dió el empujón para que comenzaras tu salida. Nos tuviste esperando día y medio después de tu líquido aviso. Pesabas 3550 gramos y medías 53 centímetros. Tu papá acompañó a la partera mientras me atendía la doctora, después de que te dejaron una hermosa eternidad conmigo, pegado a mi pecho mientras te admiraba la familia entera. Al día siguiente ya nos fuimos a la casa, tu madrina Titina te llevó en el autobus ya que yo tenía que ir parada. Tu papá y tu padrino Mat cargaron las bolsas. Desde el viernes en la tarde estamos juntos y contentos en casa disfrutando de muchas visitas. Eres maravilloso y pues...te amo.

You were born on Thursday October 23rd of the year 2008 at 18:50 in the clinic Vivantes in Schöneberg, Berlin. Labor ended up lasting about 6 hours, you were pretty efficient once you got a little kick to commence your exit. You had us waiting a day and a half after your liquid announcement. You weighed 3550 gramm and measured 53 centimeters. Your dad accompanied the midwife while the doctor took care of me, after having left you a precious eternity with me next to my chest while the whole family admired you. The next day we went home, your godmother Titina carried you on the bus since I had to stand. Your dad and your godfather Mat carried the bags. Since Friday afternoon we are together and happily at home enjoying lots of visitors. You are incredible and well...I love you.

día zero

Pasando las 6 de la mañana se rompió la fuente. Today is the big day. Jetzt gehts los...

vor dem Sturm

Wenn schreiben nur schreiben wär. Und nicht lesen, wissen, analysieren, erläutern. Nur Ausdruck, nur Gefühle, Gemüt, und Gedanken. Will ich denn die Zeit einfach tot schlagen? Trotz all den Sachen die noch zu tun wären. Die sucht man sich eh. Dass das Dich erwarten so schwierig sein sollte...Du bist doch schon da, schon seit langer Zeit. Nur steht uns ein Wandel bevor. Wir stehen vor einer ungeöffneten Tür ins gelebte Ungewisse. Heute nähe ich Deinen kleinen Vorhang fertig. Geputzt und geräumt, und wieder verräumt haben wir auch...schon seit Tagen tun wir das. Seit Wochen. Wir erwarten Dich sehnsüchtig und wollen es nicht. Wir wollen gelassen sein, es sein lassen, möge es kommen wie es beliebt. Keine Wünsche, keine Vorstellungen, kein Verlangen, keine Sehnsucht. Es kommt ja nie so wie man es sich wünscht, nicht genau. Also Vertrauen und Glaube sind angesagt. Ein Bisschen Optimismus. Keine Ungeduld. Der Gang in die neue Dimension wird schwierig sein. Gerne nehme ich es in kauf. Zusammen schaffen wir es auch. Noch nie habe ich jemanden wie Dich gekannt. Die Empfindungen sind tausend Mal tiefgreifender, intensiver und komplexer als vor einem ersten Rendezvous. Et c'est quand on va rendez vous, ti-homme? ¡¿Que importa cuando!? Was sind schon Zahlen, darauf lege ich doch keinen Wert. Von dem modernen Menschlichen abwenden will ich mich. Unruhe stiftend ist es nur, der Druck der Zeit, der Regeln, der Statistiken und Berechnungen.

Und doch ist er so der Mensch. Er träumt und stellt sich die Welt nach seinem Gemüt vor. Nach seinen Wünschen, Sehnsüchten, Verlangen, Gedanken und Gefühlen. Faszinierend ist der Mensch. Einerseits so pervers und der Natur, dem Universum doch so nah.

Puyi

Anxiously we await your arrival and love you more than our hearts let us know today.

Ansiosos esperamos tu llegada y te amamos más de lo que nuestros corazones nos permiten saber el día de hoy.

Sehnsüchtig erwarten wir Deine Ankunft und lieben Dich mehr als das es unsere Herzen es uns heute gestehen.